Keep Calm and Mardi Gras

We had a party at work for Fat Tuesday, or as I call it, Tuesday.  They put these on all the doors:


And I dressed like this:

I don’t know if our new company is Cajun, but they’re in Pennsylvania so I can’t imagine they are.  Do you celebrate at your job?  And what are we going to do for Lent?  Probably no donuts for six weeks or however long Lent lasts.

Remember Sue from my office who doesn’t wash her hands?  She was behind me in the Fat Tuesday catering line and she patted me on the back.  I immediately took my shirt off and burned it with the sterno keeping the fried chicken warm.

I used to work with these three biddies.  I don’t know why I was in their department but we wrote letters to clients who couldn’t be reached by phone.  I must have done everything else in that department and needed something new because I was 27 and pregnant with Moonshine.  One of these ladies was so old, probably my age now, and her name was Brigitta, like the little girl in The Sound of Music.  She was German so it actually might have been her.

One day I started talking about Sick Building Syndrome (SBS) and I got these ladies all worked up.  Our building was brand new so I’m not sure what they were worried about but I think I had been sick for a while and started telling them about a 20/20 I’d seen about Sick Building Syndrome (SBS).  I got them so worked up that one of them filed a complaint with HR and another one went home for the day because she was so freaked out.  My boss asked me nicely to lay off the biddies, but my job was so boring I was always looking for outside entertainment.

So the other day, I walked by Sue coming out of the bathroom so you know she hadn’t washed her hands. And listen, maybe she has a huge bottle of antiseptic at her desk, but what about everything she touches between the bathroom and her desk?  Just wash your hands, lady!  

Okay, so there’s this really long hall from the bathroom to the door to our office, and it’s the most awkward walk of your life because you make eye contact with the person walking toward you but you’re too far to make conversation, unless you’re Sue.  She said Hi and asked how I was and I have been sneezing a lot lately and I had a runny nose so I told her to make her aware of proper handwashing procedures.

Actually I said, You know, I only sneeze when I’m in the office.  I sit under a vent and I know it’s blowing some weird shit out.  And she said, You know what??  I was JUST talking to Brian about this and we think that too!!  She got so worked up, she stopped walking to continue the conversation, but I could see the bathroom in sight and I had to go so I politely turned my head and kept the conversation going by saying, I’ll bet we have Sick Building Syndrome (SBS)!


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