December 12, 2016

We can talk about whatever we want in this house, like no topic is off limits, even the ones that make me internally cringe.  A couple of years ago Moonshine asked me my body count, aka how many people I’d slept with in my life and I said, Two.  Two whole people, and then we laughed and laughed and laughed and she said, No, really.

So I got out the abacus and started thinking back. Hmmm, how many people have I slept with in my whole life.  Well, I am 45 and I didn’t get married until I was 22 and I haven’t dated since then so it couldn’t be THAT many people.  There was definitely the first guy and definitely my ex-husband and maybe a guy or two sprinkled in.

I just binge watched six seasons of Sex and the City and I’m no Samantha, nor was I in my earlier days, but those women slept with a lot of people on that show.  I wonder what the average is for middle America.  I did grow up in the bible belt.

On this day I was having a conversation with Tenderheart who wasn’t at the first conversation when I had to take my shoes off and use my toes to count (maybe I’m kidding), and out of the blue she said, I think you had a lot of sex when you were younger. Just out of the blue.  And I said, your point…  And she said, I think you could probably never have sex again and be okay because maybe you’ve already had all your sex.

Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it.  I thought the reason I wasn’t having sex was because of my love for cheesecake and the fact that I think my uterus is falling out.  But maybe I had all my sex I’m going to have and I’m just waiting for the old folk’s home to tear it up again.  Although I think nursing homes have one of the highest rates of STD/STIs so I’m not down for that.  But I have to be honest, sometimes I think I might want to date.  I might want to have someone to go to the movies and hang out with and cuddle, but it just seems like a lot of work.  My ex cured me for wanting to get married again and maybe I’m not very good at dating.  Are there any good ones left?


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