You are cordially invited to my pity party

Just know I was the proper amount of thankful in November.

Moonshine’s been gone for four months.  To college, not dead, and she’s finally doing really well but I still miss her.  She had a really hard time adjusting, but I waited a full month to see her and we met in Kansas.


We ate at Braum’s in Salina then drove to a park where Tenderheart showed Moonshine her POMs dances and we took some pictures while they stood by some weird locomotive in the middle of the park.


Then she called me after 10 minutes in the car crying about how much she missed me.  She didn’t think she’d miss me as much as she did.

She started doing a lot better at school and meeting a lot more people, but I waited another full month and we met her again in Kansas.


This time she brought grandma and we ate lunch at Applebee’s and then drove to a park where we met an interesting man walking his Pit Bull.  The girls are real dog (and weird guy) magnets so he let us pet his dog and talked about moving his Pit Bull breeding business to Hays, Kansas.  She was with grandma so a quick trip to Sonic before we made our way back home and there were probably only tears from me.

And then the longest stretch of all after that trip, I waited a month and a half and we drove to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. Finally, all of us under the same roof for a few days.  I missed the laughter, the cuddles, the family, the games.


Some days like today I feel so alone.  I haven’t talked to Moonshine in a few days.  She wasn’t answering my texts or snapchats.  And Tenderheart’s gone all the time.  This time of year is hard on me.  I make bad decisions in the fall, I have regret, financial stress, the weather.  Yes, we’re at the part of the year where I’m cold all the time and then yesterday I had to go to a basketball game where Tenderheart was performing at halftime, and where I also had to pay my $5 entry fee with nickels and dimes I had found in the dryer.  And as I’m walking up the bleachers, I felt something pop in my knee and now I’m having trouble walking, not that I was walking that great before.  I have arthritis in my knee like I’m a hundred and what I need to be doing the most (walking) physically hurts so bad.  And it’s like my whole leg hurts, from the knee to the hip, I’m miserable, I wish they could just replace the whole thing.

And I feel bad even complaining because I’m so fortunate and blessed, but some days, like today, I just want to go to bed and feel sorry for myself.  But who’s going to bring balloons to my pity party, that was always Moonshine’s offer and she’s not really talking to me.  And I have so much to do and so much anxiety about what I need to do that I’m paralyzed.

Don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll have some funny Tenderheart stories, but today, I’m just going to let the (hopefully warm) water wash over me up to my neck, maybe a little on my cold ears.


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