To all the friends I’ve loved before

First, read this. But really read it and think about it.

Why we grieve. 
And after you read that, if you don’t understand me, you can unfriend me on Facebook. I give you permission.

I’ve had to unfriend a few people in my 8 years of Facebooking. I try not to, mostly I just unfollow but when you are so completely offensive as to call our president the N word, I know we would never be friends in real life.

And I don’t like conflict but I wish there was a button I could push as a reason I’m unfriending you so you know I’m not just being petty about our different politics. Because I’m still friends with a lot of people where I don’t agree with their politics, but we’re still related or something so I’m not unfriending them.

And this one last week was my fault. I should have known when we had lunch a few years ago that we shouldn’t be Facebook friends. He told me he doesn’t believe in gay people. Like they’re Santa??  He told me if his son started “talking like a sissy” he’d “knock it out of him”. Yikes. We’d never be friends IRL. This was after I told him my sister was married to her same-sex partner. So when that guy announced on FB last week it was “Christmas in November”, I had no problem unfriending.

And I had no problem unfriending someone I used to work with a few months ago when she wouldn’t stop posting terrible things about the color of our president’s skin. Listen, call him unqualified, which he definitely wasn’t, or say you don’t agree with his politics, but don’t just hate because of the color of his skin. It would be like me saying Trump will be a terrible president because he’s orange. I’m not saying that, I’m saying he’s unqualified. So, bye, random former coworker.

And yes, I think we should all just get along, but this election has brought out a lot of ugly in this country so if I unfollow you or unfriend you, it’s because I don’t appreciate your friend using the N word to describe our president and I’m 100% sure I wouldn’t be friends with someone who was that racist, and I need to cut the negative out of my life and stop wasting time on fake FB friends and start cultivating some real relationships in my life. My kids are almost gone and I’m either going to be left with some real friends, or a bunch or FB friends who really don’t care about me.

*when I wrote this in my head earlier, it was way more eloquent and I had better points. Trust me. But, I am including this because I’m definitely saying not all Trump supporters are racist, nor do I want to have a political conversation, because I can’t change you and you won’t change me so let’s just all agree to disagree. 



  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this and for providing that linked essay. I feel the same and this has been a hard week to get through; it makes me wonder how we’ll get through the next four years.

  2. Sister Sherri

    This was everything. I love you.

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