Dazed but not Confused
My blog should be titled Dealing with Tenderheart because I realize how much I’ve blogged about her lately. Just know, I’m very aware, but this is me dealing with my life at this time.
Tenderheart liked this boy she worked with. She’s been drawn towards boys lately who would never be able to date her: a leader at her college program, he’s a college freshman; and a peer leader at her work. These two boys couldn’t and wouldn’t date her so of course she’s drawn to them, at least her standards are getting higher. But then the guy from work started dating someone else and she was so sad. And I was actually happy a little that she was sad about someone else other than her ex because that means she’s that much closer to moving on. And I’m not saying moving on and dating someone else because I’d be fine if she waited for college for that, I just want her to be able to pass her ex in the hall and not have a panic attack, is that asking too much?
The last two weeks she’s been doing this college program and they’re really trying to get them to gel as a family and share their lives with each other and she’s been so brave. I’ve probably said, “Be Brave”, more this year than I’ve ever said it before in my life and I’ve definitely used that phrase more than anything else I’ve said. And you never know if they’re listening. But then today she texted me and said, I was so brave. She had gone to do a community service project and she didn’t really know anyone else and she was sitting alone, but then she got up and walked over to a group and sat with them. That’s huge for her. She deals with a lot of anxiety and the fact that she didn’t just sit alone on her phone was amazing.
The day before they had an assignment to do a slam poem and she shared hers before they left for the day and got a shout out from the leaders for being brave. The day before that, they were writing out goals and she said she wanted to be a straight A student and the instructor said, Go deeper, so she shared some really personal things with her group. She’s putting herself out there, which is another thing I tell her so she’s not stuck in a box with the same group of people. And it’s hard but I want her to branch out and meet new people and have great experiences because she’s amazing and deserves that, they all do. High school is hard and if she can not just get through it but learn a lot and have great experiences then she’ll be better off. I don’t, however, want her to peak in high school. You know those guys who never go any further with their lives because high school was so amazing? I might have dated that guy.