You’re the best around
As I was waiting for yesterday’s post to post, I went back and read it and almost deleted it. I didn’t though because it’s real life and if I censor myself too much then what am I even doing this for? Although my sister would ask why I’m doing this blog anyway. And I don’t really know, I guess.
My grandma kept a journal and when my grandpa died we found them and read them. Some of the entries said mean things about my mom, hurtful things; but I guess that was her truth at the time. I don’t say hurtful things on purpose but this is my truth at this exact time.
And at this exact time, I’ve hurt Tenderheart’s feelings again. I do it more than you’d think or more than I like. This radio station here had a theme song for a caller who called into the show all the time. It was really catchy but it was also the name of Tenderheart’s ex boyfriend. Pre-dating, we used to sing it all the time when we drove by his house because I’m sure you remember we’ve known their family since preschool.
And for some reason I’ve had that stupid song stuck in my head for the past week or so. And I don’t sing it with his name in it, but I’ll be talking about something else and it will come out in that song.
Now, if we’re being honest, Tenderheart is upset about something else tonight that she’s not talking to me about, but I accidentally sang a line and she said, I’m glad you like to make me feel bad about myself. Ummm, I certainly don’t. I wasn’t even thinking. And then I laughed because of the absurdity of the song, and now she thinks I’m laughing at her.
Good Lord, please help me through these teen years.
I apologized and told her I absolutely wasn’t trying to make her feel bad about herself and I went to bed. Like I said, something else is going on too but I also need to be more considerate.
And something will just trigger it. The theme song from Karate Kid will put her over the edge because he used to sing it to her. The radio song that I can’t rhyme things with anymore. We’re hovering around two steps forward and one step back. Or is it one step forward and two steps back. I have no idea but it’s not what you’d call progress.
So when my kids read this after I die, Tenderheart, please know I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. You three are the best things I’ve ever done with my life and my greatest accomplishments. I love you all more than I love myself.