Waiting for a miracle worker
I have like three nice outfits I wear depending on the season. I don’t have a lot of clothes, nor do I want a lot until I get to the place I want to be in life. I told my kids, good luck with the funeral slideshow because I wear the same things over and over and who can even tell what year that was. My hair is pretty much all the same too. When Gordon Ramsay comes in to fix my life in, “Your Life is Hell”, I assume he’ll set me up with some new clothes and body. He’s a miracle worker, y’all.
Sending your kids to therapy is humbling. I’d like to think I can fix everything, but unfortunately I can’t. And I also like to know everything and having someone else potentially know more about my kids than I do drives me crazy. But they need to learn coping skills to deal with anxiety and I deal with my own anxiety so I need someone else to teach them those coping skills so they can be contributing members of society. I’ve always said I struggle as much with them leaving as I do if they don’t leave. Obviously I want them to leave and go and do and use those wings I’ve been giving them their whole lives. But I’d also like to put them in a little bubble so they never get hurt. I’d love to take out little Tenderheart’s heart and hold on to it until I find someone worthy of it. I don’t think I could watch her go through another heartbreak. But obviously I can because it’s part of life and part of growing up and I can’t hold them back. I gave them roots and wings, but I want them to use their wings more.
I was sitting outside waiting for Tenderheart yesterday and I saw the little girl before her come out, probably 6, and the little girl after her go in, probably 12. Kids these days deal with so much stress and anxiety, it’s no wonder they’re sending them younger and younger. Last time when I was there, the little girl after her was like four. Now, this therapist deals with younger kids up through teens, but this little girl was so little. She arrived with her mom and then her dad came up and the little girl got really excited and looked like she wanted to run to him and hug him, but she hesitated and he didn’t hug her. She finally walked over tentatively and he hugged her one handed because he was holding a cigarette in the other hand. Then, he started yelling at the mom about something while the little girl stood there. That exchange was all I needed to know about that family.
Tenderheart got her schedule for her Junior year. Thankfully she has no classes with her ex so she doesn’t have to deal with that. Junior year is the most important in terms of college but after he broke up with her in January, she was living like she didn’t have a future. She stopped doing homework, she stopped turning in assignments and studying for tests. When I finally called for the therapist the guy asked, are you concerned about her drinking alcohol or doing drugs and I said, “I wish! I can’t even get her off the sofa.” Now, obviously I don’t want her drinking or doing drugs, but all she was doing was crying and sleeping to where I didn’t want to leave her alone, it got pretty dark. She somehow managed to pull out some decent grades, but that’s not going to fly her Junior year. And our school has moved to taking the SAT instead of the ACT, so that’s harder too.
I think most kids aren’t excited to learn anymore. I think they just want to get through and finish school and get to life. I don’t know why, I’d love to go back to school and not have any worries and just learn. I’m hoping to change her attitude about that because she has a pretty interesting history class and if she can get excited about learning this stuff and becoming a more rounded person then it will go a lot easier.
So she comes out of counselling yesterday and I asked how it went and she said, She basically told me the same things you’ve been telling me, but she really knows what she’s talking about. And that’s why I pay the big bucks.