Spoiler Alert: Your Life is Hell

You know what I used to love saying all the time?  “My husband”.  *vomit*  My husband is over there.  My husband got me that.  My husband did this or that.  *gag*

Now when someone says, My husband went to get me a drink; I say, You mean Steve?  He has a name.  Actually I don’t say anything, I just roll my internal eyes.  We get it, you’re married.  Blah.

I found a new guilty pleasure.  It’s called Hotel Hell.  And not in the “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” way.  I’ll be honest when I say I’m not much of a chef show person.  My tastes are rather bland so I don’t really get all those fancy dishes and I don’t understand watching shows about people making food while being yelled at.  My one exception is Cupcake Wars because one, there’s minimal yelling; and two, I love to see the cool designs they make and drool on the TV.  Mmmmm, cupcakes.

However, I do not live under a rock so I, of course, know who Gordon Ramsay is and he is fabulous.  So Hotel Hell is basically where he goes into your hotel/restaurant and tells you how terrible it is and how to fix it.  If you’re smart, you keep the changes, I haven’t seen anyone smart yet.  Mind you, I’ve only seen one episode but I’m really going back and forth between writing this post and going to OnDemand and finding more.  I’m fascinated.  He completely tears you apart in order to build you back up.  He’s the American equivalent of a drill sergeant.  I definitely wouldn’t want him in my house except that he’s adorable and he can come have a bland meal with me anytime as long as he doesn’t look at the cobwebs because he REALLY hates cobwebs.

In the episode I watched, he immediately walked in and started dusting.  Wait, maybe he could come to my house for dinner, but I wouldn’t enjoy the berating he did while he did the dusting.  Listen, Gordon, if you could just shut up and do the dusting, that’d be great, mmmm’kay?  Okay, first what he did was parked in front of the valet parking sign and honked because there was actually no valet parking.  Then he walked in and said something snarky about the lack of valet parking.  Then he looked up and said, It’s dusty, in only a way Gordon Ramsay could say and made the wife go get the duster.  Then he dusted, walked into the ice cream parlor, pointed out the “No Samples” sign, mocked the owners a little more and dusted in there.  And I know I’m not doing it justice, but it was television gold.

And this couple was stubborn.  The husband kept saying his burgers were fresh despite being brought in frozen, but because he thawed them before they grilled them, he considered that fresh.  You can’t make this stuff up.  And the couple really seemed to change, they took his ideas, got new bedding, which I’m not going to address as to not get sick, got in good with the community, who previously hated them for being rude and standoffish.  They had a beautiful hotel and really seemed to be getting on the right track and then the very end with the update…

As you can imagine, this couple had gone right back to their original ways.  Fired a bunch of people, probably the staff who was bad-mouthing them on camera and it ended with the owners standing at their counter wondering where all the patrons were.  Well, they were probably across the street getting an actual fresh lamb burger, which is what Gordon did after pestering everyone who came in on what their idea of fresh was.

When he first came in, after dusting, mocking, and going to his gorgeous room, he went to the restaurant and ordered everything on the menu and then even asked the waitress to try the dipping sauce because it was so bad.  She concurred and I’m sure she was fired the second the crew packed up.  He ate so much food and all I could think about was, I don’t think that hotel has a gym, but he’s so fit.  How does he eat so much? Then he read the awful online reviews and brought the entire staff out to tell them how horrendous their food was.  It has to take an absolute act of desperation to come on that show and when I heard the wife say they were losing $30,000 a month, and wishing just one month she could lose $30,00 in my direction, I realized that was her desperation, but then why not keep the changes?  Why go on that show if you’re not going to listen?

And now I’m going to OnDemand with my two enthusiastic thumbs up to watch him berate another downtrodden family.  Hopefully these people will actually listen.

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And listen, if Gordon Ramsay came into my house and told me how to organize my life, I would absolutely let him.  That’s out there now in case they have a new show called “Your Life is Hell”.

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