Moms are the Ultimate Hype Man
Have I told you in the last five posts about Tenderheart’s awful first part of 2016? She took the SAT on Saturday. They used to give them the ACT, but this year’s Juniors are going to have to take the SAT. Tenderheart was chosen to participate in a program where they pay for them to take it and then give them SAT prep and see how their scores have improved. She took the PSAT her Sophomore year so she has some kind of idea of what it looks like, but it’s a long-ass test.
They called her down to register before summer break and the person who had registered before her was her ex, who was also chosen. She knew it because his stupid picture and his registration was still on the computer. She said something like, Great; and the counselor said, Oh, do you know him? He’s going too so you could carpool if you need. And Tenderheart was like, Probably not. Then the school year ended and this is the first time she’s going to have to see him again. First time she’s seeing him since he broke up with his girlfriend he took to prom, first time since their mutual friend Sienna said they should go to lunch to get closure. Eff closure, he’s an emotionally abusive manipulator, no free meal is worth that torture.
The older two Shines think I baby Tenderheart. And I do, which is why I was up at 6am to make her breakfast before the SAT. I’ve been known to say I’ve completely handicapped her because I do a lot for her. I used to take her lunch on days I worked at home. And when she stopped eating at the beginning of this year I would get up and make her lunch because I knew she wouldn’t. Then, even if she didn’t eat it, I knew at least she had something in there in case she decided she was hungry. I take her things if she forgets them, which is more than I’d like, and I know what’s going on and make sure she’s prepared for things. I give her unlimited pep talks. I’m the ultimate hype man, the hype mom, if you will.
When my sister was here for the graduation, she and Moonshine said something about it. I said, I know I do it, but in about two years I’m going to be completely obsolete, not just lameduck like Moonshine thinks I am now. No one is going to need me to take anything up to the high school, no one is going to need me for daily stuff anymore and I don’t know who I am without that. Who am I? What do I like? Who am I going to be?
Side note: Being a parent is exhausting. Some days I feel like I’m just a hype man. I know what they need, what they need to hear, mostly, and if they’re having a hard time, I text them through the day with hype stuff. “You’ve got this! You can do it! You’re braver/stronger/smarter than you think! Keep your head up! Keep moving forward! ” To be honest, it’s exhausting. It’s over when they say, “Thanks, mama” because I know they got to what they needed to hear; and even if I have more to say, I keep it to myself because “Thanks, mama” means they’re in a good place. However, sometimes when I’m trying to hype something and I’m having a bad day myself and there’s a little too much push back, I think, Eff it, I don’t really care.
For instance, if Sunshine is talking about going out but kind of doesn’t want to but I know it will do her good to get out of the house and hang out with people, I tell her, You’ve got this. It will be fun! Hype, hype, hype! But if she pushes back with one more, I’d rather stay home, I think, then just effing stay home. I never say that though because I’m the hype man! The hype man doesn’t give up! And when Sunshine goes out, she almost always has a great time and she’s glad she went, which is always a win for the hype man.
And my side note became my actual post, but does anyone else feel like they’re just someone’s hype man? Some days it’s actually exhausting because who’s the hype man for the hype man? I need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay and to keep moving forward and I’ve got this. Some days I’m just barely hanging on and I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the next day. And maybe two parent families have that where they build each other up and hype each other, but I’m alone. I certainly don’t expect my kids to hype me, I have to dig deep and pull myself up by my boot straps. And when I’m hyping, I literally live for the “Thanks mama” because that’s when I know I’m doing a pretty good job.
Looking for their hype man!!