And how long will that be?
When Sunshine graduated in 2013, they had all the parents stand up and be recognized for their contribution to the graduating class. It was a proud moment because we looked around and we were all parents to these amazing kids who were going into the world to contribute to society, or we all hoped.
Moonshine graduated last week and she didn’t invite her dad. They haven’t had a relationship in probably two years, and she wouldn’t even let me send him an announcement. Moonshine is terrifying. I asked if I could at least send him an announcement with a picture and she looked me right in the eye and said, “If you do, I’ll forgive you, but I’ll never forget as long as you live.” And I said, “And how long will that be?” Because it seemed to me to be kind of a threat. I didn’t understand what harm an announcement would be. It’s literally just an announcement that she’s graduating, send gifts, how bad could that be? Apparently awful.
I asked why I couldn’t just send him one and she finally told me. She said, “Remember at Sunshine’s graduation when they had all the parents stand up and take credit for their kids? I want you on a pedestal and him not even there because he didn’t do anything.” She said she didn’t want him swooping in to take any credit for her. Yikes.
I just read back like five posts to last November when he showed up at Tenderheart’s school and how upset she was. And I realize I haven’t blogged at all if five posts gets me back to November. I promise I’ll do better. In January, when Marky Mark broke up with Tenderheart she didn’t tell her dad. He only texts them sporadically and she didn’t want to just text him about the break up.
Then around March when he kept sending her generic texts and ending them with, I hope you and Marky Mark are good, I asked her if I could just tell him so he would stop saying that and upsetting her. She said it was fine so I texted him and said, Hey, she was dumped like two months ago so stop asking about him.
And what do you think he did? If you’re any kind of follower, you know he showed up at her school. It was during lunch and he told her how sorry he was and blah blah blah and made her cry and she went back to class crying for the rest of the day. And the only person at school who understood their relationship and could comfort her had dumped her two months prior so she couldn’t even call him. Tenderheart has had some dark days this year.
I called him and said, Do you know why I’m calling? And he had no idea. I told him to stop going to Tenderheart’s school, it only upsets her and if he wants to see her, he knows where we live. I told him I’m the only one in this house who encourages them to have a relationship with him and he said he didn’t believe me. He said there are things that go on in my house that I don’t know about and I told him to prove it. Some mean things were said and he eventually broke down and asked for my help with Tenderheart to get her to see him. I made him apologize for being a dick to me and saying I didn’t know what was going on in my house, which he did. He also agreed to stop going to her school. That was a win and the only thing I wanted. And after four counselling sessions, Tenderheart met him for coffee. She said it went well until he made her Facetime her stepmom who wouldn’t stop talking about her teen daughter’s baby and making the baby “talk” to her dad. Ultimately Tenderheart feels replaced by this family and that pretty much cinched it, they haven’t seen each other since but he still sends those generic texts. Moonshine asked to be taken off his list so he stopped with her but tells everyone who will listen that if she ever needs anything, all she has to do is call. She’d probably die first, but that’s just because she’s stubborn.
And he wasn’t invited to the graduation, there was no announcement sent, but through pictures on Facebook I know he saw that she graduated. He told Sunshine he has a graduation card for her, but I haven’t seen it yet, nor did he bring Tenderheart a sweet 16 card for her birthday three weeks ago. I wonder if he knows this isn’t how you cultivate relationships, I’m not going to be the one to tell him though.