We all go a little mad sometimes

Happy New Year!!  I figure since it’s April and I just bought my yearly planner, I’ll celebrate the beginning of 2016.  And does Barnes and Noble know me or what?  They actually had a planner that starts in March.  Same, B&N, same.

One of my favorite memories when I was a kid was road trips.  I loved road trips, still do.  Sometimes my mom would just come home and tell us to pack and take us to her friend’s who was four hours away for the weekend.  And when I was able to drive, my mom and I would go and just drive at night, it didn’t matter where we were going.  Some of our best talks were in the car.  There’s something about the darkness and not looking at someone directly in the face that you feel like you can tell all your secrets….or at least some of them.

Tenderheart is still having a hard time with her break up.  Yes, please tell me how you think she should be over it by now.  Or better yet, please tell me how you think she was too young to date, let alone get into a relationship.  I love sideline parenting, so please, feel free to let me know all your thoughts.  

She thinks she’s over it and something happens that throws her.  The other night she found out he had asked someone out that she was going to have to see at school all the time, and there she went, off the rails.  I keep telling her to move forward, that’s all she can do.  I’m surprised he waited this long because God knows he’s been trying to date someone else since the second he broke up with her.  I think I said in my last post that he was probably done with her last October so she had a lot of catching up to do in the way of moving on since he was doing it before they broke up.

I was really starting to worry about her and then she’d be fine and then she’d hole up in her room and not come out, which isn’t the norm for my kids, we’re usually all together in the living room and it was just becoming concerning.  I try not to hover, but it’s really hard to watch her just stew in it and be sad when I know we’ve all experienced the same feelings and I’m no expert since I got my heart broken and never dated again, but she was really worrying me.

Moonshine was out with her new beaux, which took her a year and a half to be open to since her heart break, and Tenderheart and I were just sitting around when I said, let’s go somewhere.  She wanted to go see her friend at work so I let her drive up there and she got a mocha, her friend wasn’t there, and I said, let’s just drive for a little bit.  I told her to turn right and we just drove east….to nowhere.  I knew there was nothing out there and I just let her drive.  I showed her how to use the brights for the first time and we drove so far on this little two lane road that we even ran out of phone service.  And we just talked, and she talked and she gave me the logic of it and got her feelings out and said she wasn’t sad they broke up because he wasn’t nice to her, she was just mad that he gets to be happy again before she is.  We talked about  how this new girl will figure it out and probably won’t put up with his shit, and how much she looks like Tenderheart before TH got out of her awkward stage.

Then I told her to stop on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and asked her if she wanted to scream.  I very specifically remember one night after my divorce when the monkey finally came clean and told me everything I had been accusing him of was true, he actually wrote me a note because he’s a coward.  I remember the wave that washed over me and realizing that I wasn’t crazy.  He’d called me crazy for at least four years, I’m sure longer, and I remember laying in bed wailing into my pillow, racked with grief and tears that it was finally over and I was right.  The vindication of that was all I needed.

So I asked Tenderheart if she wanted to get out of the car and scream and she said, Huh?  And I said, come on, let’s scream and I got out of the car.  I said we’d be quick and turned on the hazards.  It was freezing and we were parked on this shoulder that had a drop off so I told her to be careful and I held on to the car door.  She stood in front of the car with the lights still on and I said I’d start.  Then I screamed into the darkness as loud and as long as I could.  It was freeing for me and loud and terrifying for her.  She tried to get over to me because she thought I was actually injured and she fell down the shoulder.  She was obviously fine, but I seriously could not stop laughing.

Tenderheart picked herself up, which is obviously an analogy for everyone’s life, and she stumbled back to the front of the car.  I told her to put her arms in the air and breathe deep.  In the age of social media, no one was out there, no one was watching, so I told her to just let it out.  Scream out your anger, your frustrations, your sadness, his lies, his promises, just scream, and she did.  Of course she had me videotape it for Snapchat and Instagram so it wasn’t a complete success, but she said she actually felt better and so did I.

We turned the car around to get back to phone service so she could post her video and we talked and talked and finally got back to civilization.  Moonshine couldn’t get a hold of us and I asked if she wanted to go with us the following night to scream.  She was obviously confused.  Two nights later Moonshine didn’t want to go but Tenderheart and I went driving again to the same area.  I had a migraine and she didn’t want to scream but we talked and I really think she’s better.  But it’s a day that ends in Y so who knows what today holds.  What I do know is this chick can scream!

lindsey pic



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