It puts the lotion on its skin..

Someone asked me once how I got my kids to do blank, whatever it was. And I said, I was a spanker. I was.

Now, calm down, I didn’t beat my children. I didn’t make them go out back and pick a switch. But it only took a couple of times paddling their fully covered bottoms with a wooden spoon for them to not want that again. And yes, maybe you are able to tell your kids something once and have them just do it ala Nike, but sometimes I would have to threaten the wooden spoon for mine to listen.

I have also literally left a full cart of groceries in the middle of the grocery store and walked out because they would not stop bickering or asking for more or throwing a fit. Sorry, rhymes with Spring Spoopers, but momma ain’t havin’ it. And it only took once because we went home, had sandwiches, they went straight to bed, and we tried it again the next day. Success!

It’s all about consistency, right? Because those little effers are really persistent. And listen, we’re all just doing our best, right? So I’m not saying spank, don’t spank; do what’s right for you.

And after writing this and taking out the judgey parts, I started thinking of all the things I did wrong.  And the one I would tell you, in my opinion, did the most damage,besides divorce , is I didn’t let them fight things out.  Once the bickering started, I couldn’t stand it and I made them stop.  I’m not saying I would have let them fight club in the middle of the living room, but I definitely would have encouraged more working it out rather than just walking away because I think that built grudges and more looking at me for how to react than looking inside themselves and figuring it out, whatever it may be.  Am I using your lotion? Good gravy, can I just buy more lotion instead of having you fight over it?

So what I’ve started doing with Moonshine and Tenderheart is staying out of it.  Work it out.  Talk to her.  Be respectful, but I’m out of it.  Fix your own problems.  You’re going to have to deal with all kinds of people in your life, starting at home, and you’re going to have to figure out how to deal with conflict.  It may be too late, but it’s definitely too late to spank them, I can’t even catch them anymore, so I’ve got try something else.

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