No fate but what you make?

First thing’s first, against my better judgment, I’m putting a selfie with my new fringe. I fancied it up with a Halloween-y frame but it is what it is.


I went to a dinner with Sunshine that I’ll tell you about later, and in addition to my new mantra of “let it go”, I’m also working on liking myself in the now.

Second thing’s second, I’ve been watching this TV show about fate. It’s totally trash tv, but it’s one of the only ones I watch in real time and actually look forward to. It’s got all the good stuff a girl can get behind: fate, forbidden love, coincidental meetings, longing looks, hot guy, sex. Ahhhh, I love it. I live vicariously. I get too involved. I look at my life and wonder why it can’t be like that.

My cousin Cari has a sporadically updated blog, but she talked about this years ago, which you can read HERE. Yes, she was talking to teen girls, but that could be me. I get too involved. I see these “perfect” relationships on TV and wonder why that can’t be me.

Well, first of all, I’m not gorgeous, I don’t have a writer or director planning out my life, and the last two things I wrote are really the big reasons. Nothing in real life is how it is on TV. Not even reality TV is real. Fantasy. Man, I need a writer and a director to just follow me around yelling, ACTION! and pointing where I need to go.

What if you meet someone and it’s nothing, just coincidence? What if you’re one of these “everything happens for a reason” people but there’s really no reason? What if the meaning of life is you’re born and you die? Monty Python did not prepare me for any of this.

When my dad died, I wondered a lot about God’s plan. How could that have been the plan? Me, living in Arizona the entire month of June, mourning and playing golf. So, basically the plan was for me to live in hell, on the surface of the sun for a month? I get wrapped up in the why a lot. Why, why, why? But I’m trying to let it go, or let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.


1 Comment

  1. carikelley

    I LOVE the Fringe! (isn’t that a tv show too!?) It’s super cute. Not that you didn’t have cute hair before. It’s good both ways. 😉

    Thanks for reminding me what i wrote oh so long ago. And I wasn’t just talking about teen aged girls-I was talking about me mostly. I STILL get wrapped up in tv and movies, looking for those feelings and I ALWAYS come away ultimately feeling empty. WHY is right.

    and I’m not convinced there really WILL be an answer to everything we ask…but that’s perhaps a topic for MY blog. I know, I need to update it BADLY!!

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