Red Flag

First thing’s first, I cut my bangs and my boss’s boss’s boss came into my office and asked me what I did different to my hair. I told him I cut my bangs because my forehead was too big. He then told me three times throughout the day how much he liked it. I refrained from asking him if I’m bangable now because I have some control, but I had no idea I was in such need of bangs. Thanks, friends, for telling me.

Second, I’ve been thinking about something for a while, it’s red flags you find in people you meet. Everyone has them, right? It’s just some are more obvious than others.

I recently met someone and he’s really the greatest guy. We have a lot in common and except for the fact that he couldn’t be less interested in me, he’s the whole package. Red flag.

But this one’s the best. I have a friend who’s crushing hard on this guy. They’re Facebook friends and she texted me the other night and said, “He ‘likes’ Real Asian Babies on Facebook.” Now, every time she says, “He”, I know exactly who she means. So I said, They are pretty adorable. I mean, really, who doesn’t like real Asian babies? And in all fairness, I have a couple of friends on Facebook who are always posting pictures of adorable Asian babies.

Unfortunately, I can’t read late at night and she actually said, “He ‘likes’ Real Asian Babes on Facebook.” Oh, well that’s a whole different ball game, right? One vowel can change the whole meaning. Turns out it’s a site where Asian women post nearly nude photos of themselves on Facebook. Classy. And more puzzling, he’s FB friends with his teen daughters. Eeeesh. Would you tell your dad that’s creepy? And is that a red flag or is my friend just too uptight? And what are some other red flags? I would say a big red flag is if your new spouse tried to hire someone to kill their old spouse but it seems to be working for the swooper. *knock wood*.

Adultery. Is once a cheater always a cheater? Who knows. I call red flag though. And maybe you can’t control who you fall in love with and maybe people do change and maybe I’ve just never met any of those people. Abuse is, of course, the biggest one in my opinion. Mama’s boys? Or the opposite, someone who hates his mom? Never married at 50? Married six times by 50? It’s really a fine line. Lives in his mom’s basement? Dabbled in porn? I went on a date once and he said he used to date one of our coworkers….one of our male coworkers. Red flag.

I heard the best advice the other day while watching a Dennis Quaid movie, which I’m going to have to look up. He said the secret to his marriage was, “You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you’re outside of the foxhole you keep your dick in your pants.”Seems simple enough to me. It was In Good Company. So I’ll just be over here digging my foxhole now, watching Dennis Quaid movies.

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