Big Wheels Keep on Turnin’
A couple things, which I just typed as “a couple thongs” thus making it a different story. My sister told me once, You know, you don’t have to write everything; as though she thinks I have a delete button or backspace key.
First, the older I get, the bigger my forehead gets. I think I might need bangs. I was holding my BFF’s baby the other day and when I saw the pics I thought, Eeeesh, slap some bangs on that sucker. Also, I was discussing my forehead fears with Moonshine who said it was more like a six-head and I might want to explore the bangs option.
Second, I’m self-deprecating about my blog and my life in general. The other day I said I was up to five readers and then I started worrying that people might stumble across my blog and think I was serious and pathetic. I’m not at least one of those things. I actually have a lot of followers and if they all read my blog, I’d be in the 10s of readers. I’m kidding.
A few months ago I had a whole blog on how I don’t hold grudges. I also talked about how I get down and dip my toes in Lake Depression, just the toes, and have to be careful not to let the water take me in because it’s so warm and comfy; as is my bed, which I could stay in forever. Now you’re all caught up.
So I was at my BFF’s holding her brand new, just out of the box, baby while she slept and good heavens is there anything more perfect than a sleeping baby? She’s so beautiful and she’s a grunter. She just grunted her way through her nap like she had something really important to say. I could just hold her for days.
But as I held her baby, my BFF was asking me the tough questions, like, How are you doing and don’t just tell me fine? So I was talking to her, but it was the kind of talk that had me thinking for hours after. And then I had the realization that just because I say I don’t hold grudges doesn’t mean I’m not neck deep in Resentment River. I’m drowning in it.
I’ve thought about it for days. I’ve gone through the who and the why and the feelings and some are big and some are petty and it’s pretty embarrassing some of the things that are drowning me.
And then I thought about what it would feel like to just let all that go. How good would it feel to just move on and forgive people, some of whom have no idea they’ve done me wrong? Life is really too short to feel like this but honestly, I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I started really thinking about it and I’m bitter like a…….beer…..like a bitter beer.
And don’t worry, I put a life preserver on in public so I’m not just stomping around like a grouch, I do put on a good front. But in the quiet, in the dark, in the financial strain, in the stress, in the car troubles, in the pet hair, in the chores not done, in the overwhelmingness of my life sometimes, I’m bitter. I’m not proud of it but I am working on letting go.