Take on me (take on me). Take me on.

I saw my future today at the grocery store. And unfortunately, it wasn’t the hot firemen collecting change for charity. It was this cute little old lady who was alone and putting her groceries in her car. She dropped a bag and I went to help her but she saw it and struggled to pick it up. Then my mind wandered to her driving skills, back to the very young firemen, to her living situation, back to the firemen, etc. it’s about a 7 minute drive home.

And my blog’s been weird lately, but I’ve been fine. My BFF said I’ve sounded down and I guess I have been. When my kids were little I used to listen to all the “experts” and one that stuck with me said that you need to ask your kids questions about the little things in their life like, What’d you have for lunch? What’d you do in gym? Who’d you play with at recess? Because if your kids couldn’t talk to you about the little things, then they weren’t going to talk to you about the big things. I’m sure the expert who gets paid way more than I do said it better, but you get the idea.

So I made a point to the best of my ability every day with every daughter to find out the little things. Moonshine’s had the hardest time with it. She went through a period where she lied her way through the most basic, Do you have homework?, but we’re passed that. *knock wood*

All leading up to my problem. In my quest to give Sunshine space at college, I don’t get to hear her little things. I barely get to hear her big things. And then Moonshine will move out, along with her little things; then Tenderheart and her little things until I’m only left with hearing about their big things (hopefully) and my own things, but I ain’t got much.

And of course, it’s the way it should be, but it’s still an adjustment. And maybe you’re sick of reading about it, but this is what I’ve got right now. Who reads this crap anyway?

And here’s the real problem. I’ve put my life completely on hold to raise my kids. I’ve lost myself and who I am and what I like. I’m a shell of a person who has no idea what to do. And if you read my blog, you probably already knew that, but it’s still hard.

I just had an a-ha moment.

Sunshine was telling me she’s having a hard time figuring out where she fits in and a hard time making friends. She’s better now but it was really hard at first. I told her she needs to get back to theater and singing and improv and all those things that make her, her. I just need to find my “theater”, “singing”, and “improv”. I’ve been lost for so long I don’t really know what makes me, me. Oprah would be so proud.


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