Confucius says, Forgive my nostalgia.
When the girls were younger and we would order Chinese food, we would go around the table and read our fortune at the end of the meal. When it was my turn, I would always say, “You should not have gotten out of bed this morning.”
The first time I did it, I had three little girls sitting around the table with their jaws dropped. Then the most skeptical said, Nuh-uh, it doesn’t say that. And then I’d read my “real” fortune.
We don’t really eat Chinese much but I say it every time. No one ever thinks I’m as funny as I do, but I started making a big production out of it. Sort of like the guy who comes out in a tux with tails to play the piano or the conductor in an orchestra. I’d open my cookie, look startled, clear my throat, and read in the most dramatic voice I have, “You should not have gotten out of bed this morning.”
Let’s just say I can beat a dead horse with the best of them, which is why I stayed married for so long but I literally read that every time I had a fortune cookie, mostly to groans and eye rolls. God, I love those kids.
So anyway, you get the point, I’m annoying. A few months ago, we got Chinese and it came time for the fortune cookie and I read my fortune, and they’re always lame, right? I’ve never had one that said, “The man of your dreams is right around the corner.” But I just read my “real” fortune. And I looked around the table at three not-so-little girls staring at me and Sunshine said, No, do the thing. So I cleared my throat and said, “Mine says, You should not have gotten out of bed this morning.”