A little weekend monkey bashing for your perusal


Tenderheart just spent the week at the monkey’s. For my new reader, the monkey is their dad, as in monkeys could do a better job raising kids. Tenderheart is the only one that still goes over there. She’s never spent a week because she’s usually shipped to my mom’s but you’ll have to read back to see why that didn’t work out this year.

It’s time for some back story: The monkey left me for his first cousin, Felony Melanie, and she has three kids but only raises one, Tattoonia, who she let get a tramp stamp at 14. Tattoonia who’s now 16 posts pictures to Instagram of her getting high. For any potential suitor, I promise I’m not white trash, and they’ve proven you don’t have to be white to be trash.

Apparently the monkey was on vacation and wanted to get her. And he never really spends any time with any of them, so I let her go. I found out later that they had their whole family in town and she hardly got to see him. Color me not shocked.

He made a big show at her swim meet this week and talked about how much time he spent with just her, but I know it was only an hour playing tennis on one day. And I also know when they went to the lake, she had to stay on shore with the little kids because there was no room in the boat. I know that because that’s where she was when the tornado sirens went off and she called me freaking out.

She tells me everything and I know that although she had fun with the six kids under five and various family members that displaced her from her bed, she still cried when she didn’t have a place to sleep and wanted to nap.

I also knew when I told him at the start about her swimming practices and he said, Does she have to go to all of them? that he wouldn’t take her to all of them, I was surprised he made the three out of five.

He doesn’t know anything about these kids and while I still try to fill him in on the big things, I’m kind of done. In five years all I have to do is be civil at birthday parties and weddings and never have to see or talk to him again. And even though I know it’s not Monkey-Bashing Thursday, I just had to get this out.

So he swooped in to the swim meet on Saturday. She came home Friday night because she knew he wouldn’t get her there on time and she doesn’t like to worry about it. Afterwards she told me about this exchange:

Tenderheart to the monkey: Are you going to stay for my last event?
Monkey: Of course! Have I ever left anything before you finished?
Tenderheart (in her head): Just my childhood. (out loud) No.

And I wondered where I went so wrong. I knew he was wrong for me but never could I have dreamed it would have gone so wrong. I could never have foreseen my life would lead me here and I would be in this situation. And here I am still looking for God’s plan with faith that it’s all leading up to a grand finale.



  1. Mom

    Oh Christy, I so hope for you a grand finale. It will find you when you least expect it. I have faith.

  2. Heidi

    I totally know what you mean! My oldest (19) is trying to graduate from the AF, and it’s taking more time than he/we thought it would. Last night I asked my monkey if he was ready to go, should #1 son call Tuesday morning with good news. Monkey hem-hawed around, did a little cussing, and finally said he wasn’t sure he even WANTED to go any more!! I told him to “man up” because #1 is still his kid, and it wasn’t a choice for him not to go….this saga will be continued….

    Hope you get your grand finale while you’re still young enough to enjoy it. You did just gave a birthday, after all. Lol

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