Letting Go and Letting God
I’ve always felt like my kids were just on loan to me from God. Easily given to me after nine months of pregnancy and excruciating labor, but just as easily taken away. It’s like in the pit of my stomach, I guess it’s worry. Life is so fragile and I send them out every day just praying they’ll come home safely. What’s my alternative? Never leaving them alone, never letting them out of my sight, sheltering them in the comforts of my home forever like a prison? All things I’ve thought about doing. Some days homeschooling looks really good to me, but I can’t protect them from everything, all I can do is guide them into handling situations they’re going to come across in life.
When Sunshine was in first grade, I let her walk to school by herself. We moved closer to the school, and we were six houses away. At the end of our street was the crossing guard that helped them get across the street to the playground. Even that didn’t stop me from calling the school some days to make sure she’d made it.
This morning I was taking Tenderheart to school and on the way home I heard about a really bad car accident on Sunshine’s way to school.
Sunshine takes Moonshine to school and they normally text me when they get there. What did we do before cell phones? It doesn’t have to be a book, it can just be “made it”, but sometimes they forget and I get that pit. Yes, I’m overprotective. I’m sure there’s a support group for me.
Anyway, back to this morning. The traffic report said there was a really bad accident and some people were taken to the hospital in critical condition. So I stopped safely and texted the girls to see if they’d made it and finally got a text back. They said they saw the accident after it happened and it was really bad. And, of course, I completely trust Sunshine, it’s these other drivers I don’t trust. And now that I’m teaching Moonshine how to drive, I’m hyper aware of how other people drive. It’s terrifying. I started Moonshine on back streets and we drive the highway at night, etc. but eventually I’m going to have to let go and let her out on her own too. And don’t even get me started on Sunshine going to college. I mean, really, don’t get me started. And what if she ends up going far away? How do you let go? It’s all trusting in God and praying that you’ve given them enough guidance to make the right choices, right? Never before have I understood the “Let go and let God” before.