First Day Jitters and Drug Testing

I’m working in the office this week.  All.Five.Days.  I know you have no sympathy for me as I’m only working five hours a day, but let me just tell you that at about 11:30 am, I started yawning like nobody’s business.  I think three and a half hours is my limit, but I pushed through to five hours and made it!!  Yay me! 

Then I had to go take a drug test. I’ve worked at the same place since the dawn of time until some d-bag came in and decided I shouldn’t be working there anymore.  Oh, look at me, still bitter.  I’d punch that guy in the face if I saw him on the street.  Wouldn’t he be surprised….probably not.  There’s a line of people that want to punch that prick in the face.  I need to be a better Christian.

Anyway, so I don’t know that I’ve ever taken a drug test for a job.  I think in 1991 when I worked for Airborne Express, is that still around?  I might have taken one for them since you don’t want someone doing mindless data entry to have a drug problem. 

I’m not going to tell you where I work, but first thing this morning the HR rep came in and was very insistent that I fill out a ton of paperwork and schedule a drug test today.  Well, seriously, my first day of work was my co-workers first day of vacation and I was covering a desk that I had never done before.  I was reading procedures, not worrying about a drug test.  The HR rep came in three more times to make sure I’d set it up. Do I look like I get the munchies a lot?  Apparently. 

So I set up the drug test and then timing of the pee became really important.  Do I go now or can I wait?  They gave me the wrong address so 45 minutes later, I finally make it to the place; however, it was an actual doctor’s office so they had, you know, patients that were a higher priority.  I sat there for another 30 minutes still having to pee.  Then they call me back and I see an end in sight when they realize they have the wrong paperwork and they need something faxed over. 

I sit in the back yet another 20 minutes and I’m getting ready to leave when she finally comes back and says she got the paperwork needed and I can go ahead and pee.  Good heavens, I thought I was going to die.  Then I wondered if they could check for other stuff since I don’t have medical insurance.  But they didn’t, just drugs, and I think I passed.  I’d better have passed, I haven’t even taken Advil in as long as I can remember. 

Then I promised my two office mates that they’ll never have to hear about my pee again, and I’m making that promise to you as well.  You’re welcome.

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1 Comment

  1. Whitney

    Just reading that brought back memories of past drug tests. I’ve done the pee pee dance a couple of times. Although one time.. I just couldn’t go. I was sent to a “drug rehab” place for my test and they didn’t have anything caffeinated to aid in the urge. I had drank like 60 oz of fluid and was still sitting there for like 2 hours. Let me tell ya..when I needed to go, of course, no one in sight to get me back there. I feel your pain and glad it’s over for you! Enjoy your week in the office!!

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