Catching Up Like Old Friends
Yesterday when I thought I had nothing to say, I was actually writing my 275th blog post. Can you believe that?
What do you care. I mean, 275 blog posts since like November of 2008 doesn’t actually sound like all that much, but I can’t believe I’ve been able to wax poetic for 275 blogs, or just spew bullsheet. How can I not make small talk at a party when I can find 275 things to blog about? It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.
On this Monkey Bashing Thursday, I have a couple of things to catch up on. They’re mostly additions to things I’ve talked about the last few weeks. I’d link to the specific blogs, but come on, don’t be so lazy, go read a little. I feel a list coming on.
1. When I talked about things I can’t believe I said, then again a few days later, I suddenly remembered the time I was at a barbecue with new people and started talking about what kind of dog food I would eat if I was a senior citizen and couldn’t afford actual food. I honestly can’t believe I go in public.
2. Sunshine invited her boyfriend to Midnight Movie Madness on Saturday and he said he couldn’t go then, but could she go out on Tuesday. She really couldn’t because she was volunteering at the museum and babysitting, but she said yes and got Moonshine to cover her babysitting. However, apparently Wilson doesn’t have opposable thumbs because he couldn’t make the phone work over the entire weekend or even Tuesday when they were supposed to go out. Good bye, Wilson, nice knowing you. She’d break up with you if only she could get a hold of you. Some people suck.
3. Moonshine is texting people she doesn’t know. Like friends of friends. Or cousins of friends. There was one that ran its course and then last night I discovered there was another one and put the kibosh on it. Has no one seen Catfish?? The person on the other side of that text could be ANYONE!!! And really, what do you think she thinks? Do you think she thinks at all? What’s wrong with people? I’m getting that tattooed on something. What’s wrong with people? in some sort of pretty text.
She told me about this person after her friend Hoostyn, or some other ridiculous Texas city, invited her to go to All Night Skate, which I called Skate with a Rapist, and she said no, because I would never let her. Yeah, you’re right. And guess what else I won’t let you do? Text people you don’t know. When they were handing out judgment, I think Moonshine was in the……..I’ll just say another line. She needs Jiminy Cricket.
4. I watched the season premier of Mad Men. So good. If’ you’re not watching it, you should be. I totally could have been a 1950’s housewife greeting you at the door with your slippers and a drink. I wouldn’t even have to vote. Staying home and raising your kids and getting dinner on the table when you walked in the door. Okay, I probably couldn’t, but I’d like to give it a try.
5. Here we go.
I was busy last Saturday during volleyball pictures. I actually wasn’t busy, but it was the monkey’s weekend and he needed to get both girls to volleyball pictures. Also, he’s Tenderheart’s coach so he was going to be at that one anyway. Moonshine is an assistant coach on Tenderheart’s team along with his step-daughter but he didn’t give Moonshine a shirt so she couldn’t be in the picture. Then, he had his whore, I call Felony Melanie, in the picture with them even though she’s not an assistant coach. So Moonshine had to hold the purses while he made a family portrait out of Tenderheart’s volleyball picture. Again, what’s wrong with people? And I can just feel her smugness that I’m going to have to put that picture up in my house somewhere, but I’ll tell you right now, over her stupid face is going to be a picture of me. Photoshop! I know I should be a better Christian.