Life is a Sport, Let’s Play to Win

It’s Thursday and you know what that means — it’s Monkey Bashing Thursday. Now I need a theme song. And it’s March, where in the world did February go? And did anyone do anything fun with your “extra” day of February?

Let’s jump right in. Did you know Moonshine’s name should have been Kelsey? I loved that name. Naming your kid is really hard, and there’s a lot of things to consider. Nicknames, initials, rhyming, how it’s going to age. I named my kids cute names, but hopefully they’ll age into Grandma names eventually. I loved the name Kelsey, but when I was about 12 months pregnant with Moonshine, who came out at 9 lbs 15 oz, the monkey started giving “private bowling lessons” to this girl in our bowling league. At least that’s what he called them. And you’ll never guess who he used to give those lessons to….yeah, a Kelsey.

Did you know I used to bowl? I used to be pretty good at it, but it was never going to be a career and I never bowled good enough for the monkey who felt like he was a professional-level bowler. And he was good and won some tournaments, but you never win back as much as you put in, just ask those folks on Toddlers and Tiaras. But really, private bowling lessons while your pregnant wife is home with a toddler because it’s really late on a Saturday night? That’s pretty suspect.

He really sucked the fun out of a lot of sports, softball, tennis, bowling, golf, life. Yeah, life is a sport. I think I just don’t take anything too seriously, and he took everything way too seriously that there was no meeting in the middle. We used to play nine holes of golf every day after work so there were some good times, but I have my dad’s clubs in the garage that I don’t think I’ll ever use again. Maybe that handyman I’m looking for will also play golf just for fun. However, I didn’t seem to make it out of my marriage with my bowling balls (yeah, I had more than one), my silver cross, my dignity, or my lawn mower.

Sunshine plays tennis and she looks just like the monkey. I would never tell her that, but she gets so mad when she’s losing and she’s built just like him with her chicken legs and the way she doesn’t stand up straight, it’s eerie. She doesn’t get mad when she’s playing me, but when she’s playing a match against another school, she’s either really on with a good attitude, or losing with a terrible one. Sunshine and the monkey don’t even speak anymore, but she couldn’t be more like him. It will be interesting to see how Moonshine does when she tries out for the team next year when Sunshine’s a senior. I find it interesting and scary at the same time to see whose temperament they’re going to have when their parents are so different.

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