It’s the Principle of the Thing, Trust Me

My blog should have been called Parenting is Hard.  I’ll bet there’s a blog out there with that title though.  My kids currently have the opinion that they don’t want kids, probably because I do not make it look easy or very fun.  It is fun (sometimes), it’s just really hard.  And it’s really hard to be just one person.  In the ideal family, I think you have two parents that balance each other out and if the children don’t get whatever they need from one parent, attention, comfort, reassurance, etc.; then they go to the second parent.  In my house if they don’t get what they need, they internalize it or go to their friends for it.  I’m only one person and I’m doing the best I can, but I’ll admit that sometimes I fall short.

In my previous post I explained why I’m not Facebook friends with my kids’ friends, but despite that, my kids’ friends love me.  They are so sweet and really great people.  Sunshine has one friend that’s questionable but that’s for another blog.  And I’m mainly only talking about Sunshine’s friends because Moonshine refused for a very long time to introduce me to her friends.  The problem with Moonshine is she’s just like me at her age.  I see her future and it scares me.  Right now she’s obsessing about getting a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day.  You’ve won another one, Hallmark, with your stupid holiday.  Every place we go is inundated with Valentine’s Day crap that you’re just going to throw away later, but that might just be my bad attitude.

Moonshine and I have had a rocky road of it.  A few years ago there was a three-month period where she didn’t do her homework while telling me every day she didn’t have homework.  I found out when she had a friend sleep over who was talking about how much homework they got every day.  Really?  How long did she think she could keep that going, and what was her end game?  Part of the problem is she just doesn’t think about it.  Then, last year I told her she couldn’t have a boyfriend until she turned 13.  Three weeks before her birthday I found out she had a boyfriend.  What?  Seriously?  She couldn’t wait three weeks?  I made her break up with him immediately. 

And the rule that she had to be 13 was completely ambiguous, it could have been any timeframe, the point was I told her she wasn’t allowed to date and she lied about it.  Then I found out because I found a note, not because she felt bad and came clean about it.  I had a boyfriend in high school that would say, It’s the principle of the thing.  And that’s what it was in Moonshine’s case.  I could have told her she could date on the fourth full moon and no matter how ridiculous she thought it was, she should have listened to me.  So you can see why we might have some problems and where I have trust issues with her.  I mean, I already have trust issues having lived with a sociopath for 14 or so years.  All of it leads back to trust.  When she looks at me with her big brown eyes and says, Don’t you trust me?, I just want to melt.  However, I have to explain to her that, no, I don’t trust you and here’s why.  Then I always get the, it was in the past argument, but really, Dr. Phil would say the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior; so how do I get over it?

I was holding on very tightly and realized that she was closing off a little so when she asked me if her and her friend I’ll call Austin or Houston or some other Texas city could go hang out at the mall, I really had to fight my initial thought, which was NOOOO!!!  It’s really hard to let go and trust her with her past behavior, but unless I’m going to lock her up in a convent, which I’m thinking about, then I have to give her some freedom or she’s going to start acting out and sneaking out.  Don’t ask me how I know.  So I dropped them off at the mall and prayed.  I gave them a million warnings on the way like no stealing, no leaving, no making out with boys under the stairs, if someone tries to kidnap you fall on the ground like a rag doll and start screaming, you know, ridiculous stuff.  I also told them if they weren’t where they were supposed to be when I was there to pick them then I would go into the mall (in my sweatpants), find security, and shut it down until I found them.  I think that was a pretty good warning, because sure enough, they were at the food court when I got there.

They had a good time and giggled the whole way home and chatted about who was there and what they did and on and on.  Then, later that night, Moonshine came downstairs and hugged me and thanked me so much for trusting her enough to let her hang out at the mall.  That’s when the hair stood up on the back of my neck and I realized she’s probably playing me.

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. heidi

    I loved reading the part about past behaviors predicting future behaviors. I had never really thought of it that way, but it is ABSOLUTELY true.

    And the part about “that was the past” is also crap that the “guilty party” always seems to say.

    I have to say that I am glad you got out of your 14 years or so of hell; it has taken me a little bit longer but I am finally on a path that I hope I can live with, and be at peace.

    I would like to say that boys are easier to raise than girls, but I think we both know that would be a lie. No matter what the gender, kids are HARD!! Sure wish there was some kind of manual…

    Hang in there, and just smile at the knowledge that they will have kids one day, and finally realize that you were not just full of crap while they were growing up.

    • That’s all Dr. Phil right there! Old school Dr. Phil, I don’t watch him anymore.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: