Talking about Tenderheart

I’m all over the place with this blog.  I want to be a reviewer, a mommy blogger (a term I hate), a historian, I don’t even know.  I thought maybe I could give parenting advice, but I probably shouldn’t talk about things I know nothing about.  I promised last year I’d do more posts about my third daughter.  I also said I’d give her a better code name as it was Rises with the Sun.  Check one thing off the list because she’s Tenderheart now.

And it just figures that the blog I would do about Tenderheart isn’t about how awesome she is, but about how she’s driving me nuts.  She is forgetful.  We had a period of about a week a couple of weeks ago where I was mad at her every day I took her to school because she’d forgotten something or she’d made us late because she couldn’t find something.  Not making me late, of course, as I am sans job, but late to her school.  I don’t know how many times we’ve had the discussion (read argument) about how she needs to get her stuff together and keep her stuff together.  As in, Get it together, foo’!!

After all these discussions (read arguments) that we’ve had, you might think she would be making progress, but this morning when I dropped her off at the bus and asked her if she had her volleyball stuff for the game today, I got the blankest stare you’ve ever seen.  As in, Volleyball? I play volleyball? Huh??  My head almost exploded.  Like seriously, EXPLODED!!  So here’s my question, do I just let her fail or do I keep coming to the rescue so there are no consequences?

I’m going to go into a little “kids these days” like someone’s grandpa, but really, have you seen kids these days?  They can’t even pull up their pants.  I don’t have boys, but would like to know the logistics of how they keep them up while hitting about mid-hip.  Back to Tenderheart, do you know how many days she has walked out of the house in a skirt and flats on a snow day, with no coat, no hat, no gloves, nothing?  You probably don’t, but I’m going to say more than once.  And I have made this general announcement to everyone: It’s December, you’re going to need your big coat every day.  Not just on days that start with W, but also on days that end in Y.  EVERY.DAY.

You’d think that statement would mean something, but just yesterday I made her come back in the house to put on actual pants instead of a skirt, making us run late again.  There’s snow on the ground here, people.  And I completely appreciate her unique style, but at some point do people look at me and think we can’t afford a coat?  or what kind of parent am I for letting her go out of the house without one?

And ultimately, here’s the problem.  I was exactly like her.  I would be sitting on the bus in my Brownie uniform and forgetting there was a meeting after school.  My sister, on more than one occasion, would have to get on the bus and say something to the effect of, You’re in your uniform, you idiot, go to your Brownie meeting.  I’m paraphrasing, but you get the jist.  I can also tell you that if I forgot my homework at home, my mom was not bringing it to me at school.  I was out of luck. 

But what do I do on the day Tenderheart forgets her bra??  (seriously?  Yeah.)  Is she just out of luck?  Or does she have to sit the bench because she forgot her uniform for the game?  I know she’s at school today sweating because she doesn’t know if I’m going to take it to her or not.  (I did take her a bra that day, I’m not a monster.)  But then how does she learn? 

And I’m going to go one step further and say it’s not just Tenderheart.  Sunshine called me this morning because today’s the deadline to have her money in for her college testing.  Has she known this for months?  Yeah, she has.  But do I not take her the money and she not take the tests?  My problem is I don’t know where to let them fail, thus presumably learning not to forget things, and when I bail them out because the consequences are too harsh.  Anyone got any ideas?  Don’t be afraid to comment.  I won’t hunt you down if I don’t like your answer….or will I?

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1 Comment

  1. Cari Kelley

    I am the worst about bailing my kids out. Esp the one who doesn’t seem to care if he fails. He needs all the help he can get.

    Maybe you could try positive motivators? For example, “if you gather everything you need together the night before, you can stay up a half jour later”? Or “get it together
    for a week and _______”(whatever motivates)

    I like to tell my kids “you catch more flies with honey”. And yes, they look at me like I’m crazy.

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