Ideas About my New Job
Stand-up comic? My kids don’t think I’m funny.
Secretary from Working Girl? I don’t have that kind of hair anymore.
Broadway producer? I think they have to start with money.
Diet Coke tester? I’d do that for free.
Daycare provider? I don’t really like kids.
Choreographer? I can’t dance.
Wedding planner? I don’t know if I could be positive about the institution. Oh, and I’m not organized enough.
Astronaut? No, but only because we’re not going to the moon anymore. Other than that, I’d be one.
Surrogate mother? I think my baby making years are coming to a close.
Monster truck driver? TOTALLY, but only if I can drive the Grave Digger. Is that still around?
Grave digger? I don’t have that kind of upper body strength.
Marine biologist? No, but only because I don’t look good in a wetsuit. And I probably flunked high school science. All of them.
I’m actually going to school for something and it’s not massage therapy.
Massage therapist? I don’t like touching strangers.
Maybe if I narrow down everything I can’t be, then I’ll have in front of me what I can be. Do you know how I regret not figuring this out 22 years ago when I could have gotten college out of the way and become a school teacher in Nowhere, Oklahoma, which you could pronounce as No where or Now here depending on your preference? I had a plan that was derailed by some loser (not me). Well, me and some other loser. I should have stayed the course. Maybe I could be a sailor, but I obviously can’t stay the course.
Chef? I’d rather be the taster.
I could own a cupcake shop if I had any talent or creativity or drive (and didn’t eat my profits). What I’m lacking is some serious drive. I wonder where you get that.
Driving instructor? I hate people.
Motivational speaker? Are YOU motivated by me?