No Dating on Days that End in Y

I have three girls so it was only a matter of time before my topic moved back to dating.  Awwww, dating.  I remember it well.  Not that I ever did it well, but I do remember boys.  6th grade, it was rhymes with Schmay Schmooper and he asked me to “go” with him.  Go where, I wondered.  At the time it was just holding hands in the Friday movie until one day he stole my comb and ran to the back of the playground.  He told me he wouldn’t give it back unless I kissed him.  I told him he could keep it and walked off.  We didn’t last much longer after that.  Oh, rhymes with Schmay, I just wasn’t ready.

Then 7th grade, and my TRAGIC Sweetheart Dance with rhymes with Schmott Schmarmack.  Tragic.  There was another boy in 7th grade, but his name is too weird to rhyme with anything so I’ll just call him Chip.  He broke up with me because I wasn’t ready to kiss (again).  Ick, I was only 12!!  In 9th grade I had my first kiss, but…….I just realized that this story is going to make me look really bad so I have to think about if I’m going to include it.  If you’re reading this, then I didn’t.   Moving on……

And who could forget the ONE NICE GUY I dated in high school?  – – I’m sure he’d like me to forget – – But that was a very short amount of time, so there were other boys that I liked.  None of them very nice though.  I remember “dating” one guy, rhymes with Schmarc Schmenderson, except we never actually went anywhere.  And then he completely ignored me at school.  Looking back, I’m pretty sure we weren’t really dating.  We hung out A LOT, but dinner was never actually bought and/or eaten.  I think he didn’t want people to think we went out, which is pretty sad if you ask me. 

There was another boy that I liked the most, but because of my low self-esteem I always thought he was too good for me.  He probably lives in Oklahoma with his soul mate, 2 kids, dog, and white picket fence.  Too specific?  Oh well, what are you gonna do?  Everything is as it should be I suppose. 

One day maybe I’ll tell you the story of how my prom date was arrested on prom night driving us to the after party.  Wait, I guess that’s it.  Man, I dated the losers, but the good guys were apparently too good for me.

Anyway, back to present day.  I don’t date.  I’m not averse to it, there just hasn’t been a lot of opportunity since my divorce.  If you’re not keeping my stats, I’ll remind you that I have two jobs that I work from home, three kids, a very small embroidery business, a dog, a cat, and I go to school.  I can’t imagine how I don’t meet people.  There really should be a sarcastic font.  If there are any computer programmers out there, I’d like them to start working on it.

Now, let’s talk about other people dating.   Sunshine (I’ll let you guess) has never dated.  She hasn’t had a boyfriend and it’s just the way I like it.  She has a lot of boys that are friends, but I’m comfortable with that.  There haven’t been any “hairy legged boys” as my mom would say, sniffing around our house.  I don’t think there’s anything abnormal about it, she’s still in the awkward phase with her braces and I personally think the longer she waits, the better.  I’ve told all my girls that they’re not going to meet the man they’re going to marry in this city, in their high school, or God forbid, their middle school.  I want them to branch out and see places and have experiences before settling down with the right one. 

Can you actually smell Fall?

Now, let’s move to Moonshine.  She moved to a new school and has had four boys ask her “out” already.  FOUR BOYS sniffing around.  One of them told her she smelled like Fall.  What is that?  Is that a 7th grade pick-up line?  I can assure you that Chip never used that line on me.  And by the way, it’s vanilla, not Fall, you 7th grade tool.  I told her I wasn’t going to get her braces because I didn’t want her to be any prettier.  Then I told her I would get her braces just to force her into the awkward phase that she’s probably going to skip anyway!  Seriously, she’s going to give me even more grey hairs. 

So I have to be the parent and make rules that weren’t needed before.  Like how old until they can have a “boyfriend” and when can they actually “date”?   I tried to go with NEVER, but I settled on a boyfriend at 13 (if absolutely necessary) and no car dating until 16 (or to my funeral).

Final Thoughts from Christy:  I’m just not ready for it.  None of it.  And I know all the statistics, I was a statistic for that matter.  I had no dad, I grew up too fast, yadda, yadda, yadda.  They have a stupid monkey that barely has opposable thumbs that tells them not to tell me stuff (they always do), and never spends any actual time with them.   He tells me he’s thankful they’re growing up like they are because they’re really good girls, and to that I say, No thanks to you, monkey.  

To be honest, some days I feel like I’m barely hanging on, barely keeping the lines of communication open, barely have enough time for each of them, and I’m supposed to find time to date somewhere in there?   I might just have to enact a no dating policy for eight more years until Lindsey turns 18 and then we can all date.  Do you think they’ll go for that??  I know Moonshine won’t.  She’s counting the days until she turns 13.  There’s 152 if anyone’s keeping track.  I think that’s the exact amount of days it’s going to take me to find a nice convent to take her.



  1. Sister Sherri

    I LOVE that I can read your blog in Laos. I may be your longest distance fan!

    • Yay! I finally have one fan!!

      (who happens to be related)

  2. Cindi

    Moonshine definitely skipped the awkward phase, lucky her. You’re doing great, your kids don’t only talk to you they tell you everything, that’s huge – HUGE! Guess you have to continue the “you can tell me anything and won’t get in trouble rule”.

    p.s. Lindsey needs a nickname.

  3. Heidi

    I have to say that I am so glad to have boys!! “ALL” I have to worry about is the 1 potential girl they like, as opposed to the “thousands” of guys that could be sniffing around your girls.

    And I don’t remember you as a dork in HS, and if you want a laugh, go look up “rhymes with Schmott Schmarmack” on FB. He kinda looks like YOU would STILL be too good for HIM!!

    Hang in there, know you are doing a GREAT job with your girls, and just count the days til you put #2 into the convent!! 🙂

  4. haha, so funny, you are. Dating…I remember it fondly. sort of. I mean, look at me…I was french kissing boys on the playground in the 4th grade and I turned out ok. (I’m not sure why I did that–I would need hours of therapy to get to the root of it) (and I guess “I turned out ok” would probably be debatable by some!)

    But, of course we want better for our kids. (I know you do and Lord knows I do, too!)

    I’m still trying to figure out reasonable expectations…and high standards…and no compromises…and room for exploration…etc. Maybe I’ll figure out where I land on all that by the time my “hairy-legged boy” 18…I’ll share all my wisdom with you when I’m done. At least, it won’t be too late for Lindsey by then!

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