Sweet Home Colorado

I have a recurring nightmare.  I’m driving down the road and I blink, but I can’t open my eyes.  So I’m driving with my eyes closed trying to get to the side of the road and not hit anyone.  I’m sure there’s some deep dark meaning that has to do with control issues, but I just can’t figure it out.

I admire people who can blog every day.  I’m lucky if I can get one a week even though I have a million perfectly formulated in my head just waiting to be blogged.

I’m going to tell you a tragic story.  Tragic.  But I have to introduce you to the players first.  The Monkey is my ex-husband.  Felony Melanie is the person he left me for right after she got out of prison for trying to hire someone to have her first husband killed.  She is also the monkey’s first cousin.  Yeah, you read it right.  Tattoonia is her 14-year-old daughter that got a tramp stamp of roses across her back this year.  Because she’s a model student and an upstanding citizen?  No, she’s none of those.

Felony Melanie first came into our lives in 2002 when she got out of prison (after 6 years) and needed help getting on her feet.  I was told she’s family, so of course we help her.  She has three children that she doesn’t have custody of and she needs a job.  She’s also wearing one of those classy ankle bracelets that doubles as a tracking device.  She came to Thanksgiving dinner at our new house, the monkey got her a job, and she was living in a halfway house.  Did you know that you don’t have to be white to be white trash?  I didn’t before I met her, but now I’m clear.  And white trash attire is optional in their family, not required.

She brought one of her children to live with her because only one of them wanted to come and the others stayed in some small town where she used to live.  Tattoonia was the one of her children that wanted to come.  She was 8 at the time and Felony Melanie worked all hours of the night and left her alone.  At 8.   She started having behavioral issues with Tattoonia and the monkey asked me if I could give her some parenting advice.  I told him to tell her it probably wasn’t a good idea to leave her 8-year-old home alone all hours of the night.   She was a parent really young, like 15, then 17, then 22 and was out of their lives for 6 years.  I’m not one to judge, but her parenting skills do lack a bit.

Fast forward to three years of the monkey convincing me I was crazy and that nothing was going on with her until he finally left me for her.  Yes, he left me for Felony Melanie, aka his first cousin.  What kind of trash is that?  I mean, really, who does that?  Who are these people?  Why can’t I wake up from this recurring nightmare??  And how do I explain to my children that she was just their cousin and now could be their stepmother?  And that it’s not okay? And do so without telling them outright what a scum he is?  Now, we’re at January 2005 when he moves out for good.  Then slow forward to April 2007 when our divorce is final, and in September 2010 Tattoonia runs away.

Yes, that’s right, folks, Tattoonia has run away.  No one knows where she is.  She stopped going to school three weeks after it started, so they signed her up for an online school and took her out of high school.  Then she started sneaking out at night.  She left on Sunday, and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  I feel terrible.  But here’s what I feel terrible about – – as he’s out supposedly scouring the neighborhood for Tattoonia, he’s stopping by our house to tell me what a mistake he made in leaving us and how he would give anything to come back.  I’ll give you a moment as you gag. 

But that’s not even the most contemptible thing he’s doing.  He spent Tuesday evening with Rises with the Sun (aka my youngest, Lindsey) telling her that he asked me to come back, which he didn’t, and that he knows that we’re going to work it out.  You’d have to know that Lindsey is the weakest link, which is why he’s talking to her like that.  The other girls have BS-dar and know not to listen to anything he says.  She was really young when he left and still fantasizes about having two parents living under one roof.  You’d also have to know that if Tattoonia comes back, her and Felony Melanie are moving back to that small town I talked about and he’s not going to have a place to live.  Hence, the hail Mary to me hoping that he can move in with us. 

The answer is no, it’s always no, it’s always going to be no.  Don’t go away mad, just go away.  And don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and all that….

But I have to explain that to Rises with the Sun.  She doesn’t understand.  All she hears are his promises, all I hear are his lies.  I told her he wouldn’t move back in and that I deserve better than that, all while staying on the high road, which is really hard sometimes.  Then I come to my blog and bitch about it and tell the real story.  Man, I hate that guy.  What a manipulative tool.  I also have to say that yes, I knew he wasn’t the right guy for me, but under no circumstances could I have EVER imagined it would come to this.  I mean, seriously?  Really?  He was a charming guy, always said the right things, NEVER could I have prepared myself for any of the hell he’s put me through.  Ted Bundy was charming too though, right?  I guess you never know.

Final Thoughts from Christy:  I wish no ill will on anyone.  Well, maybe the monkey.  But Felony Melanie has always been nice to my kids, and for that I’m thankful.  And I do hope Tattoonia comes home safely and her and Felony Melanie go on with their merry lives.  I just wish they’d take the monkey with them.  He said he wouldn’t go to small town living because it’s too far away from the girls, but probably not far enough for me.  It’s five hours, which might just be the perfect amount of distance.  It would be hard because he takes the girls two days a week when I’m in school, but the benefits it would bring to me would far outweigh the negatives.

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1 Comment

  1. Heidi

    Aaawwww, Christy, that sucks on so many levels.

    That he would stoop to using your kid to try to get you to take him back is just low!!

    Is there absolutely no way that you could convince him that Felony Melanie “needs” him, and he should move to small town USA to be with her???

    I am glad that she is good with your girls, though. It seems that if she wasn’t qualified to have her own kids, that she might not know how to act around kids, especially given how stellarly she has handled the one kid she DID have custody of.

    Let me know if you need anything from me. I’ll be thinking of you!!!

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