Update on Aisle 4

I was thinking about my previous post, and I wanted you to realize that I was talking about ethnicity, not race.  I had a professor that asked us on the first day of college how many “races” there are in the world.  People were guessing high, but she said there’s only one – – the human race.  See?  Isn’t that clever?  So, of course, I was talking about my children and their questionable ethnicity (not questioning if they were human or not), whether it be half Hispanic or Mexican.  God knows I can’t get an honest answer out of the monkey, so we’ll just never know.  Update number one – Done and Done!

Update number two – – The tattoo incident I was talking about in THIS POST HERE, actually involved a 14 year-old girl, not 15.  I thought she was a year older than Cranky Pants (Shelby), but she’s actually the same age, but a year behind in school.  Also, this model human being made it three weeks in high school before her amazing (there should be a sarcastic font) parents took her out and made her sign up for online high school because she a) wasn’t going to school, b) wasn’t coming home from school,  c) was sneaking out at night, or d) all of the above.  If you guessed D, then you are absolutely right.  This is who he chooses to subject my children to two nights a week and every other Friday.  I’m really glad my kids aren’t easily influenced.  Oh, wait, Oooh Shiny (Kasey) aka Lies A Lot, her other Native American name, IS easily influenced. 

So I get the full story from the monkey (Lies A Lot, Sr.) about why Tattooville had to sign up for online classes and I told him that I was really concerned about what she says to Kasey and that Kasey might think she’s cool and want to emulate her by getting a tattoo at a new low age of 12 or some sort of piercing, not to mention the gangs and drugs Tattooville is involved in.  Anyway, so the monkey brought Oooh Shiny home from swim practice (more on that in a minute) and she told me she just experienced the most awkward five minutes of her entire life when the monkey tried to have an actual conversation with her.  He’s not used to actually talking to them.  It’s usually all jokey jokes and goofing off, so an actual conversation doesn’t come easily to him.  In fact, this is what I heard when she got home, “Mom, dad tried to talk to me about Tattooville and it ended with me being pregnant and working at Taco Bell when I’m 30”.   Now, I know what he was going for and God help him, he really did try, but he just doesn’t have it in him.  I translated for him and I think she got the picture that Tattooville is not who she wants to be when she grows up.

Update number three – – I’m brilliant.  That’s it.  No, really.  Brilliant.  I told Oooh Shiny that if she was going to go to a traditional middle school then she needed to get involved in something.  The first thing available was swimming and she didn’t want to do it.  She’s self-conscious.  Really, what middle school girl isn’t self-conscious in a swimsuit in front of other people?  But I told her she would meet new friends, which she has, and that it will feel good to be involved, which it does.  Then, it turns out she’s really good.  She’d never done actual swimming before with the strokes, but once she got that down and the breathing, she’s LOVING it.  And she’s slimmed down, not that she needed to, from swimming for an hour and a half a day and she feels better than she ever has.  She’s even on the treadmill a couple of times a week and eating more fruits and veggies.  It’s amazing and all because of me.  Next activity at school is volleyball and then she wants to try out for the city swimming team in January.  It’s an identity all of her own because Cranky Pants doesn’t swim and Oooh Shiny is really thriving at her new school after her failed attempt at forgery, of course.

Update number four – – I found another another job.  I told you HERE about my editing job and the same company has an offline division that has a huge project that I’m helping with.  It’s boring as all hell, but I need the money and I can do it at home, so I’m not one to complain (much).  I had a family meeting on the Thursday before Labor Day weekend to inform the girls that the weekend was going to suck with my other other job and embroidery for the dance studio.  Oooh Shiny volunteered to be my sweatshop helper and everyone else is really stepping up and helping around the house.  I love those little suckers.

New subject number one – – I started watching Dexter on Netflix.  I have to say that Netflix and the iPhone have separate but equally changed my life.  Maybe for the worse.  Now that Netflix is streaming on the iPhone, I’m having trouble thinking of anything else.  Currently, Cranky Pants is involved with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oooh Shiny is on Angel, and I’m watching Dexter.  Seriously, have you seen that show?  It’s terrible, but I can’t stop watching.  I have to get caught up on Breaking Bad and could spend an entire weekend just watching LOST Season 6.  Are any of the new shows going to replace LOST this year?  I’m sure not, but we’re still looking for one that will come close.

New subject number two – – I have a third child that I never talk about.  She’s Lindsey or her Native American name, Rises with the Sun.  Either she’s so good, I never have to talk about her; or she’s so bad, I don’t ever want to talk about her.  She’s 10 so I’ll just let you draw your own conclusions, but I’ll try to come up with something Rises with the Sun-related very soon.

Final Thoughts from Christy:  I need a life.


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