Who’s Got the Best Dog?
Do you ever look at the blue sky with the white clouds contrasting and think, “Dude, it’s like we’re in a snow globe”? No? Yeah, me neither.
School has started and I think there’s a lot more pressure on kids nowadays than there was when I was a kid. Or I was just immune to it since I was such a slacker. Do you know how many people wrote in my yearbook to stop drinking at lunch? I’m never going to let my kids read that, or leave campus for lunch. And do you know how hard it was to sit through French after one of my liquid lunches? Yeah, impossible. (French pronunciation)
I used to have a friend. (yeah, just one) She is not my Facebook friend. I repeat, she is not my Facebook friend. This is not about you. And every time she would call I feel like we would play this game. It was the “my kid’s better than your kid” game. If you haven’t played it, consider yourself lucky that you don’t know anyone like that, or that you haven’t talked to me. I don’t play anymore because I never come out feeling like a winner. And for about two days after talking to this person I would be singing the my dog’s better than your dog song from the Ken-L Ration commercial. You know the song.
Wait, I thought it was just a commercial, did you know it’s an actual song??? That’s hilarious. Holy crow, it has so many lyrics. I’ve listed my favorites and then I’ll get back to my previously scheduled blog.
My dog’s bigger than yours,
My dog’s bigger
And he chases mailmen,
My dog’s bigger than yours,
My Mom’s older than yours,
She takes smelly baths
She hides the gray hairs
My Mom’s older than yours.
My Mom’s funnier than yours,
Her hair is pretty and
It changes colors,
My Mom’s funnier than yours.
I had no idea.
Anyway, every time this person would call, I would feel like I had to tap dance. But she was the kind of person that wouldn’t just talk about all the things her kid was doing, she would put down the things your kid (or my kid) was doing. Like my kid wasn’t as good as her kid. I went to a women’s conference a few years ago and the speaker was talking about the family newsletter. It was really funny because she was talking about what she’d put in her family newsletter, and it was stuff like her kid wasn’t reading at grade level and her youngest one just got put in special education. She was saying that no one puts that stuff in, it’s all the surface-y good stuff that goes into the newsletter. She was talking about how people should get real.
I think this blog was also going to be about stage parents, which I had a brief but terrifying brush with, but I can’t form it right now and I can’t stop singing that freakin’ song. So that’s something for you to look forward to.
Final thoughts from Christy: In the song, which is turning out to be what my blog is about, there is a verse about my dad’s better than your dad. And I was singing it in the car with the girls and then had to explain the commercial. I said it was the my dad’s better than your dad song and the conversation went a little something like this:
Me: The song is called My dad’s better than your dad. (I know now that it’s my dog’s better than yours)
Shelby: No one could sing that to me because I would agree.
Me: My dad’s dead.
Shelby: You win.
Oh my gosh, and then we laughed. Don’t you wish you were part of my family? We’re HIGH-larious!