Is George There?

Do you sit around with your siblings and talk about how crazy your parents (specifically your mom) were?  You know, that time her head exploded and she didn’t come out in such a positive mother-loving light?  I won’t say whether I’ve partaken in such a conversation with my own sister, but I’m praying that my kids don’t ever have that conversation. 

If they do, which I’m sure they will, I certainly hope they don’t remember yesterday.  Ugh, what a bad mom day I had.  I have issues.   All kinds of issues and sometimes they come out in ways that I’m not too proud of.  I have like PTSD and the S is for lying.  For instance, when my daughter looks in my face and lies to me.  I lived with a liar for….well, he’s still around but his lying doesn’t affect me like it used to.  But when my daughter lies to me, even when it’s a very small lie, which it was, I lose my sh….mind.

I sometimes wonder what I look like as I’m standing at the top of the stairs yelling.  I’ll bet it’s not pretty.  I had a friend and she said that her daughter stopped her in the middle of her yelling and told her how scary she looked.  How sad, I thought; but I’ll bet I don’t look like a pillar of love.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the only mom that loses her mind.  The only one that yells at her children.  I’ve really gotten better, but my biggest concern is if my daughter is lying about little things, what’s going to happen when there’s bigger things to talk to me about.  And don’t think I can’t hear myself as this stuff is spewing out, but I just can’t stop.

I am a reformed liar.  I am Kasey, or rather Kasey is me when I was younger and it drives me crazy because I see her future.  And I see that nothing good comes out of lying, but how can I get her to understand that?  You know, without shaking her or yelling at her?  How can I get her to understand that I’m pretty smart and yes, I do know when she’s lying?  Ugh, I’m at the end of my rope.  I just want to hug her and squeeze her and love her until she understands and I might call her George.

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3 Comments

  1. Cindi

    I don’t really have any advice because I am not there yet, but I do know your kids, know you’re doing a great job and know that no, you are not the only mom who loses it and certainly not the only mom who yells.

  2. You are not the only Mom who yells. I repeat, You are not the only Mom who yells.
    Be thankful you at least realize it, that’s all we can do sometimes. realize, apologize, move ahead.
    🙂

  3. gfaith

    Christy – thanks for this post. I laughed and remembered a few of the many ways my issues have come out that I am definitely not proud of. For me — I felt like a terrible person when I realized I had YELLED at my DOG the first week I had her. I mean — I always thought I would NEVER yell — I hated hated hated it as a kid. And, since I don’t have kids yet, I hadn’t realized that it was in there, waiting to come out. Thankfully, I’m able to deal with it, even with my little dog. 🙂 much love, gfaith

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