Just Treats, No Tricks Please

I was not a good kid.  From the time I was in 9th grade and got mixed up with the wrong group, my childhood was on a down hill roll.

The good thing is, I’m not raising me.  Thank God.  I’m raising Shelby.  In 9th grade, Shelby is in the musical, goes to church and youth group, girls bible study, and dances two nights a week.  Shelby isn’t going behind the skating rink with her loser friends and hanging out.  She doesn’t even go skating.

If I spent the night with a friend, we would sneak out her window in the middle of the night and wander the neighborhood looking for trouble or boys.  Shelby’s staying up all night talking with her friends and play xbox.  Or at least I hope she is.  I pray she is.  How do you give someone freedom while holding on tightly?  Seriously if it were up to me, none of them would go to sleepovers or leave the house or have friends or go anywhere.  My family would be in a bubble if I let myself think about it too much. 

I remember being 12 and going trick or treating with one of my friends.  Not a group of friends, just one of them.  We dressed in our pajamas and walked around my neighborhood.  Now my daughter and a group of four friends want to go trick or treating by themselves.  She’s 14 now, but last year we had a party and I went with them.  No one seemed to mind and I wasn’t annoying about it, but Kasey and Lindsey were there too.  This year, she’s going to someone else’s party and parents will be at the party, but not take them trick or treating.  I have anxiety.  Is asking her to call me every 15 minutes too much?  I’m already talking to her about where she’s going to carry her phone.  Of course she doesn’t have pockets.

I’m trying so hard not to pass all my anxiety on to them or they’ll never leave the house.  I squash down all my fears and encourage her to go to the party.  Lindsey’s going to one too, but I know the little girl’s dad is taking them trick or treating so I’m completely fine with that.  It’s when they get on their own that I start feeling panicky.  When they start having to make decisions for themselves, and it’s only because I made such bad ones for me.  Very, very bad ones and I’m thankful every day that I’m alive because looking back at those bad decisions, I have no idea how I am.

So I gave her all the run down of no drinking, no drugs, no boys, if she gets into trouble to call me.  I know I’m overpreparing her because her friends don’t drink or do drugs, but I’m sure my mom thought mine didn’t either.  This is where my sister told me I’m not raising me.  Again, Thank.God.  Shelby’s a good kid, however, I’m afraid Kasey might be me.  Get ready for that custom fit bubble!


1 Comment

  1. carikelley

    oh, girl, I hear ya. This is THE hardest part of parenting for me…knowing when to let go, how much, under what conditions, for how long, with whom …you know. When I let the boy go hang out with friends, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve thought, “Oh, no, what if he gets someone pregnant?”. Ok, that is ridiculous (I hope!), but why do I think of the worst possible thing? Of course, I’ve thought about the many ways he could get himself killed too…but then I move on to other horrid things. Don’t we moms have THE MOST awful imaginations!?!

    One day I realized 2 things. Number 1, they’re eventually gonna be adults (if I don’t smother them to death first). I have to prepare them to make decisions when they’re on their own. and Number 2, I don’t want to smother my kids.

    and Kasey’s gonna be fine! She’s got a great mom! not that yours wasn’t, but you’ve got the gift of experience on your side–and Jesus. He’ll help some, I’m sure 😉

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