Where is (are?) Casting Crowns when I need them?
I’m embarrassed to admit that I might be a fair-weather Christian. Sort of like a fair-weather Sooner fan; but much, much worse. I am a single mom of three girls and my budget is tight. So tight it squeaks (or squeals, really) when something happens that it’s not ready for. Like Verizon Wireless putting through two payments when they were only authorized for one. Now my bank account is shot to hell and neither Verizon NOR my bank is in too big a hurry to help me out. Both of them have to “investigate” before they can give it back, as if I actually authorized both payments; which I never would because now I’m in the hole with no light even shining in.
I’ve been walking around with a feeling of dread the past few weeks. Things had been really great….too great, I started thinking. So then the dread started and the kitchen sink started leaking. We thank God every night for the roof over our head and the food on our table. In all reality (and thanks to the beef my mom brought me a few months ago), we’re not going to go hungry or anything like that, and I truly believe that God has been providing for us; but when something like this happens, I just feel like my whole world has fallen apart, and I hate having NO money. It’s so easy to say, “I will praise you in the storm”, until the storm comes; and then I feel like a failure as I collapse-cry over a glitch in my bank account that feels like the end of the world, even though logically I know it’s not.
There are several things I don’t know. For instance, I don’t know why the Kardashians are famous. I don’t know one Lady Gaga song, although I did see Jimmy Fallon have Jude Law read the lyrics from something called Poker Face and it was hysterical to watch, but only because of Jude Law. What I do know is that God has and will continue to provide for us. And though my faith seems to waiver, I know that we will be taken care of. I just wish I was a stronger example for my kids on how a Christian handles the storms. On a smaller note, I also wish my Verizon contract was over as I now hate them.