Mean Girls

I wonder about a lot of things.  Like a lot of things.  I wonder who wrote the book of love.  I wonder who buys all those trash magazines to keep all of them in business.  But mostly I wonder why girls are so mean.  And I wonder why it’s mostly girls.

Maybe it’s just because I have girls that I’m more sensitive to it, but it doesn’t seem like boys have the same amount of drama that girls do.  Kasey had a friend at school today that asked me if Kasey could go watch her play softball.  She called with the details and the monkey took Kasey, but they couldn’t find the field.  Kasey’s convinced that she set her up, but I refuse to believe that girls are really THAT mean.

Shelby had this friend and she was her first best friend since kindergarten.  A few years into their friendship, I started noticing that her friend would put Shelby down all the time.  It was only in front of other people, which I thought was weird, but she would just pick at her about everything.  The hardest part is that she was my best friend’s daughter, they went to the same school, and we were in a carpool.  I guess that’s more than just one part.  What happens to the carpool when the kids aren’t friends anymore?  It’s messy.  It was sad to see it end, but they had gone different directions, and they had made different friends. 

Shelby made a new friend at the beginning of 7th grade.  Again, with a carpool.  The first year was good, but then came 8th grade and the time they spent together was with her friend texting and talking to other people and completely ignoring Shelby.  It just got worse and worse until it was almost unbearable.  Thankfully, the year ended and I’m most likely staying out of carpools from now on.

Here’s the big thing I wonder:  do the other mothers really see how their daughters are?  Or do I really see how my daughter is?   Is she the mean one?  I hope not.  I feel like we have a really good relationship and I feel like I spend enough time with her to know how she acts.  I also witness how she is with her really good ACTUAL friends and it’s a completely different dynamic.   I wish I could just set her up with a whole group of nice girls so no one is ever mean to her. 

Also, if you can imagine, some of the girls that my kids have had bad experiences with have been at church.  Lindsey has had more than one girl at church make her cry.  I do understand that she’s overly sensitive, but one of these girls has gone out of her way to make  Lindsey feel bad at more than one church party.   

But here’s what made me want to write this post:  Lindsey was at dance last week, and I went in early to watch her.  It’s almost the recital so they were showing a big group of people their dance.  Then they said they were going to practice the finale.  Lindsey said, “what are we doing now?” because she didn’t hear what they said and this girl, Cameron, came over from across the room to tell Lindsey to get out because she wasn’t in that dance.   She actually put her hand on Lindsey’s back and led her to the door as if Lindsey couldn’t find it.  She didn’t see me standing there, but stopped the minute she did. 

This girl goes out of her way to be mean to her almost every week and I don’t know the line between her standing up for herself and me getting involved.  I tell her to stay away from the girl and what to say if she’s mean to her, but getting her to stand up for herself is a challenge.  She’s non-confrontational like me and I’m praying she doesn’t get walked on the rest of her life.  I also pray that she finds her voice and will be able to stand up for herself. 

I pray for all of them that they keep their kind hearts that they have now.  Because if my choice is to have a mean girl or one with a kind heart, you can guess which one I’m picking.



  1. carikelley

    Your girls have such kind hearts–I think because you’ve trained them to care about the feelings of others. Maybe these mean girls don’t have someone in their life that teaches them the importance of treating others with kindness? It sucks though. The girls are mean in Oklahoma too. Except mine…I wonder if other mom’s say the same thing?

    and it is just girls…from what I’ve seen, boys do NOT treat each other like that.

  2. meandmom

    We’ve struggles with the same stuff…..I always give the mean girls the stink eye. It’s enough that I’m not really getting involved but they know I’ve seen them be mean and they know it’s not acceptable…or really even cool.

    I always have worried that it is just The Daughter being overly sensitive, and I still do, but mostly I’m learning that girls are just mean. Meaner than I remember….but I don’t think it bothered me when I was in jr. high. I have watched The Daughter go through her social scene and struggle big time. She is finally starting to come out the other side it seems. Just continue to keep teaching your girls to be true to themselves and the morals that you know are right.

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