Random Cruise Stories

It’s Monday and I’m cruising along.  It’s our day at sea and I’ve decided that since I’ve lost 28 pounds so far this year, I’m not going to gain the 4.5 pounds which is the average cruise gain.  It’s 6:00 am, the gym just opened, and I’m there.  Along with everyone else that doesn’t want to gain 4.5 pounds in a week.  I started on the bike waiting for a treadmill to open up and then ran for it.  Actually I asked the other people on the bikes if they minded and they didn’t.  The treadmill only let me do 30 minutes because other people were waiting and I may have looked ridiculous, but I’ve been working out at high altitude so I didn’t look like I was going to die or anything.  I was actually going at a pretty good clip.  Anywho, I got off the treadmill and there was a woman on the rowing machine that asked me how long I walked (although she didn’t ask everyone else for some reason).  I told her it would only let me go thirty minutes because people were waiting.  Then she said, “well, good for you” in an affirming “I can’t believe you didn’t die” tone.   I hate people.

I was in the elevator one day and I’m already on the record as a non-small talker.  I’m not good at it, but I didn’t realize I’d have to do so much on the cruise or I would have worried about it more.  But there I am on the elevator and this couple gets on.  We’re getting ready to get off at Ketchikan, our last stop, and I have to finish up my souvenir shopping.  So I ask them if they’re having a good time and the man sort of huffs after I say it’s so beautiful here.  Then I tell them that I have to get my souvenir shopping done, and they give me nothing to work with so I start rambling about how I’m going to get my daughter a “My mom went to Alaska and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” shirt.  ( I KNOW.  How long is this freakin’ elevator ride anyway??)  So the man looks at me and says in his heavy, usually pleasant Australian accent, “I don’t know why you people don’t just give it to Canada”.  He was talking about Alaska, and he asked me why “we” (the U.S) don’t just give Alaska to Canada.  Who are these people that I hate?

Another man, another elevator.  He’s irritated that his elevator stopped on our floor.  Linda asks him how he’s enjoying his cruise.  He says “they’re out of everything and I’m going to complain”.  I said, “Oh no, what are you out of?”.  I’m thinking he needs to borrow some shampoo or something.  Our room was always stocked, but that didn’t mean everyone else’s was.  Were we just special?  Maybe.  He said, “They were out of Crown Royal Monday night, then last night they were out of chai tea, and there was no mocha for the latte.”  Oh, I didn’t realize he meant they were out of all the essentials that you couldn’t live without like Crown Royal and chai tea.  He should definitely get a full refund for the cruise then.  Definitely.  These people that I hate are not happy with anything.

We saw a bear at Mendenhall Glacier.  He was about five feet from us as we walked up the zig-zag walkway and he was stuck in the middle of a zig and a zag.  As people do, everyone crowded around him taking a million pictures and blocked him in.  It turns out he was considered a juvenile and had just gotten out of hibernation and was hungry.  A park ranger came up yelling that the people above him (I was on the arse end) needed to make a path and give him some room to get out of there.  They took a million more pictures before they finally listened when she yelled, “he WILL attack you if he feels threatened”.  They made a path and he walked up to the next level still eating as he goes.  This moron, and I do mean MORON, came up the path carrying his tiny dog and if the park ranger would have had a gun, I believe she would have shot him for his stupidity.  There was no way this genius could have missed the fact that he was about five feet away from a hungry bear and he might as well have been carrying bait.  She started yelling at him to get the freakin’ dog out of there and did he not see the bear.  He went another way.  These people that I hate are not smart.

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6 Comments

  1. meandmom

    Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “practice your 2 minute elevator speech”!

  2. carikelley

    You made me laugh out loud! and kevin was all “what?” and I was all “nothing” and he was all “what made you laugh?” and I was all “nothing, I don’t want to read you the whole thing and then you probably wouldn’t even think it was funny anyway!” and he was all “fine”…anyway, I LOL’ed!

    He did NOT say that “we” should just give it to Canada”! That’s the most ridiculous thing ever in the history of elevators!

    HA! will this type be in green? why is it green? i can’t change it. it’s hard to read. oh my gosh, I am so rambling on a blog comment–it must be really late. should I hit submit or delete? or what the he….

  3. carikelley

    I guess there is no way to delete a comment you made on a blog post when you were way past tired…?

  4. Cindi

    Wow, sounds like the bear was much friendlier than the people!

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