A Little Something About my Kasey

Kasey is my middle child. I’ve said before that she’s quietly suffering with middle child syndrome. I believe it’s real, she sometimes thinks she’s invisible. Behind her big, beautiful brown eyes is a lot of anger and bitterness that shouldn’t be in a 10-year-old.

She is the product of a pathological liar and someone that hasn’t always told the truth. She never really had a chance, she’s me as a child. She’s absolutely the most like me out of all of them. Last year she went three months telling me she didn’t have homework when she really did. Three months!!  I don’t lie anymore as a rule because what kind of example would I be, they really do watch everything you do and say.

I’ve always heard this, but you absolutely have to parent them all differently.  Here’s what I try to do with Kasey. When she tells me something, I don’t freak out and yell at her. Last week she said she had to sit in the hall for talking, which was my entire elementary school career, how can I fault her? Did I want to yell at her for talking in class? Maybe not yell, but I definitely don’t want her to do it again (good luck with that, she IS my daughter). So I thanked her for telling me and told her to try not to talk in class, and she told me how scared she was to tell me but that she didn’t want to lie to me. Now I know next time (and there will be a next time) she’ll tell me because I didn’t freak out, and then we can work on her talking in class.

Yesterday she went to the monkey’s right after school and ended up leaving her homework. She called him immediately on his cell phone and told him.  He drove back over, without said homework and yelled at her for 20 minutes on how irresponsible she was for leaving her homework. Then he drove home (2 whole miles), got her homework, came back and yelled at her some more. It turned into yelling at her about her room somehow. My heart broke for her because I know how hard it was to have to call him back and tell him that she’d forgotten it. He tells them they need to talk to him, but they’re all afraid because he’ll yell at them.

What’s the answer?  I have no idea.  She’s so mad at him and I’m tired of telling her to give him another chance, but I do.  I never say bad things and I tell her he’s really trying.  I pray he’s really trying, that’s all I can do.  So he called me today to make sure she’d cleaned her room, and I ended up yelling at him about what a hard time she’s having and to maybe give her a little bit of a break when she forgets something, that she felt bad enough already and it’s not like she did it on purpose; and furthermore, her room was none of his business because he doesn’t live here and anything in this house I will take care of.  I made him cry.  It’s wrong, but I did feel a little better.

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2 Comments

  1. I don’t know….There are people out there that would tell me I am breaking all the holy and sacred rules of positive parenting in a divorce…..But I have stopped covering for my ex.

    We have similar situations going on regularly. Right now the big thing is the ex has made a rule my girls have to remember to call him every Thursday. He never informed me of the rule. Guess what? The girls forgot, of course! They were sent to their rooms as soon as they got to his house for the weekend. When my older daughter cried in my arms about it after she returned to my house…she said she didn’t think it was fair to have her be responsible for the phone call…I told her I agreed. That usually children are not responsible for their relationships with their parents until they are older.

    I felt it was important to validate her feelings as I agreed with her 100%. It’s hard because I don’t want to talk bad about their father, but at the same time, I don’t want her to think her feelings aren’t normal and spot on. She is starting to feel that she isn’t important and that she is a bad girl. I decided that her confidence was more important that protecting someone who is being an ineffective parent and not supporting his kids financially to boot!

    What’s a mom to do?

  2. carikelley

    Oh, you made him cry! yes! sorry, but I was happy about that for a minute..sorry…

    You’re doing a so GREAT job with those girls. they are so preciously unique and special– Each with their own gifts and personalities. Don’t beat yourself up so much. Keep doing your best, learn from your mistakes and thank God that His Grace is enough to cover what you don’t do right.

    I always figure that any “mistakes” I make with my kiddos is just an opportunity for them to grow through conflict and challenge. [actually, that’s a load of crap…I worry about messing them up all the time, but the first thing sounded good to me.] 🙂

    LOVe ya girl.

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