Tenderheart has been talking to a new boy. FINALLY, I said. She had some randoms sniffing around right after her breakup, but she just wasn’t ready. But now, she’s finally over her old boy and it only took eight months. He broke her heart in January and she’s slowly been putting herself back together. Right before school started he texted that he wanted to be friends and she said, no thanks. She told him she’d be civil but she wasn’t ready to be friends with him. And she has no obligation to be friends with him. They weren’t friends before and he said awful things about her after they broke up, so where would the benefit be for her to be friends with him?
So a little over a month ago, Tenderheart sat with the new beau in the lunchroom, and it’s still early so I probably won’t give him a name yet, but it was the first time they were sitting together in the lunchroom. Everyone else was going about their business, but her ex walked in and was looking around and did a double take when he saw them together and then looked her right in the eye and sat down at the same table. Why? Do you know how big that lunchroom is? You don’t, but it’s huge. Turns out Tenderheart and the new boy were sitting at a table of the ex’s old friends who aren’t friends with him anymore, and then the ex tweeted something about all the snakes in the lunchroom.
Dude, don’t go away mad, just go away. And you have no reason to be mad at her or pull that crap. He broke up with her and then dated someone right away who he’d already been talking to. And thanks to Facebook memories I get to see the beginning of the end of their relationship, which happened around this time last year and I can see the sadness in her eyes. She was broken down by his controlling nature, but trying to stay because she thought that’s what people did and she loved him. He led her on an additional three months before finally breaking it off for good.
Around homecoming this year he started telling his friends he was going to ask her as a joke. Hilarious. He obviously doesn’t know how much damage he did, maybe he can’t see it in her eyes like I can.
Between when I started this post and now, Tenderheart has been officially dating her new beau with no name for three weeks and her ex is dating a girl who he called a hoe at last year’s homecoming dance because all she did all night was get in trouble for making out with her boyfriend in the back of the gym. When he walks by Tenderheart with his new girlfriend, he pretends to push her into Tenderheart. I literally want to tell him to grow up and stop being so petty, but I’ve stayed out of all of it. And seriously, every day Tenderheart goes to that school and keeps her head up and makes it out with her dignity is a win for her. I’m so proud of her. Being a teen is hard.
When I was 16 I was sexually assaulted. I don’t think I thought of it as that until I was talking to my girls and I was telling them a story about not putting themselves in dangerous situations and told them about the time I was 16 and I went to an older guy’s apartment and he forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. Sunshine said, You were sexually assaulted. And I said, yeah, I guess I was. It was a different time. I felt a lot of blame for going to his apartment and putting myself in that situation. I felt guilt and shame and like it was completely my fault. I’ve carried that a long time. There was no way I could tell my mom because I had lied about where I was going and I didn’t even know if anyone would believe me.
I tried to tell my now-exhusband once early in our relationship and he said he didn’t believe women could be forced to do anything they didn’t want to do. The only good thing about that guy is he also doesn’t believe in voting so I think everyone is safe.
I’ve been thinking about this the last few weeks with the stories that have been coming out about Trump, and my sister and I were talking about why it’s coming out now and not years ago. I told her, I was sexually assaulted at 16 and I don’t think I’d tell anyone if he was running for president. I once saw him on Facebook and almost got sick. He has a young daughter and I wondered if he even remembers what he did to me. He was in the Air Force and had had a high school girlfriend, he was a predator. Who knows how many other impressionable girls he did that to.
My daughters are terrified of sexual assault. Moonshine is terrified. She snapchats me pictures of creepy guys she thinks are following her. They’re not, they’re just walking the same direction and she carries pepper spray and a taser. Her fear keeps her safe in that she wouldn’t put herself in a dangerous situation like I did. But walking home at night on a college campus could be a dangerous situation nowadays. It’s scary to send our daughters (and sons) out there to walk and function alongside these predators that don’t carry signs or identify themselves.
Kelly Oxford on Twitter asked people to tweet their sexual assault stories. I couldn’t be that public, but she had some disgusting amount of tweets of women and maybe men who had been sexually assaulted. It’s beyond sad. It makes me fear for the future of my daughters and the future of everyone’s children that this happens and it’s just one more thing they have to worry about. And in this age of 24 hour news there’s already a lot of things they have to worry about.
What kind of person are you? Are you a good person? Do you stand up for the little guy or are you a coward? I proved tonight I’m a coward. I don’t stand up for anything. This woman said something so offensive at the football game tonight and I know her, she’s mostly funny, but tonight she was just offensive. And I didn’t sit there and laugh like the woman next to me did, but I also didn’t say anything.
Why? Did I fear retribution for my daughter because her daughter is one of the “popular” girls? I’m just a coward. I talked to Tenderheart about it on the way home and told her how wrong that woman was, but then I came home and cried because I knew I should have said something. I should have said anything. What if I was part of the group she was making fun of instead of sitting near her probably looking guilty by association? In my past encounters with this mom, she has mostly just been loud and semi-funny, but tonight she was just rude and offensive. And I’m not saying I haven’t said offensive things, but I don’t yell them at football games surrounded by high schoolers. And if I did, my daughter would kill me.
This mom was also barking at one of the cheerleaders who she thinks stole another girl’s boyfriend. This is a grown-ass woman doing that to children. This is how bullies are raised. And by not saying anything and by being in her vicinity, I’m just as guilty and a coward.
Every Saturday after Moonshine would get off work, she’d call me on her way home. I’d say, Hey babe, and she’d say, Hi momma! I could tell by her greeting the kind of day she’d had just in the way she’d say it. When she moved to college and she’d call, I’d say, Hey babe and just prayed there’d be a Hi momma! There wasn’t. She’s had a really hard time, as I’ve said.
And then she made a friend, Paige. She got a job with the Room and Board program and so did this girl who she would walk to training with. She’s from Oklahoma but lives a couple hours away so she doesn’t have a lot of friends there either. And it turns out the girl across the hall is from Colorado and works at the same place Moonshine does. So some things started going right for her and the week after she moved in, everyone else moved in and they had a ton of welcome events.
And then it happened, it was Saturday, 10 days after she moved in and she posted on her Facebook that she had an amazing day with Paige and when she called, I said, hey babe and she said, Hi momma! And I was so happy, I almost started crying. Ten days is how long it took her to get back to Hi momma! To get back to herself.
Then this week was my mom’s birthday and we don’t get to celebrate those unless she’s up here but my sister went and got Moonshine and took her to my uncle’s for the party and she was so happy.
She loves living that close to family and I’m so thankful they’re able to be close. But as Moonshine gets better, I feel worse. I miss her so much I can’t even stand it. And I’m not saying it’s not a party here with Tenderheart, but I miss being able to talk to her and hug her. She’s my cuddliest baby and I just miss her. Not that I’d want her to move home and never leave, but….no, I definitely wouldn’t want that, but I felt this way after Sunshine left too. And then we got to our new normal with Moonshine, Tenderheart, and me; but now we’re trying to get to our new new normal with just me and Tenderheart and it’s been tough. Tenderheart’s gone all the time and doesn’t help with the chores and Moonshine was my most helpful child.
We’ll get there, I’m sure, but it’s been a journey just to get here.
Sunshine was talking to someone from her school and they were talking about this annoying person in their class and she told him, Yeah, I texted my mom to tell her he’s so annoying. And the guy said, You text your mom that stuff? And Sunshine said, Ummm….yes.
Moonshine called me because she was geocaching and was stung by a wasp. She didn’t know what to do. I said some crap because most of my life is making stuff up and I told her to make mud and put it over it and the stinger would come out. Little did I know, wasps don’t have stingers, they have venom, but the mud mask kept her busy until she could wash her hands. Tenderheart asked if I thought other people did that, if other people call their mom for everything. I said, I have no idea, maybe. I asked if she thought it was weird and she said she didn’t know what she’d do if she couldn’t call me for everything.
When my kids were little, I read a lot and listened to a lot of public radio about parenting and someone said, You have to talk to them about the little things or they’ll never come to you with the big things. So I started asking more specific questions than, How was your day? I would ask who they had lunch with and who’d they play with on recess and the little minutia they might forget if I just did a blanket, how was your day? Now, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, but it really worked for my kids and to this day, Tenderheart still goes through her day period by period to tell me what happened. And doing it like that, she remembers stuff that she’d have forgotten if we just did a generic, how was your day?
My friend said, you do that every day? And I said, Yes, and she said, Sounds exhausting. Well, it is, but it’s also that time with just us where I can find out how she’s doing and what she’s doing and how she’s feeling about things. She tells me her struggles and her triumphs and it’s really fun to see her going back over her day in her mind and saying, Well, first period… and then second period… It was so hard not being here for the first week of school because when I got home and told her to go back over her days, there was stuff she’d forgotten to tell me but that she really wanted me to know. But wouldn’t you rather know more than less?
And then some days I have to go on Twitter to see how she’s feeling and to see if she’s subtweeted me that day, but I’ll take the ups and the downs with these little suckers.
I miss Moonshine. I’m too far away, I can’t help her like I want, and I’m not close enough to make sure she’s okay. She’s cried almost every night and gets homesick during the day.
My sister said I shouldn’t make them like me so much and then they’ll have an easier time leaving. I’m working on Tenderheart and I may have her hating me by the time she leaves for college.
On the Friday after Moonshine moved in on that Wednesday, Sunshine, Grandma and I went to lunch at our favorite place, Ted’s Escondido. They have the most amazing queso and homemade tortillas. Then we went to the bookstore so I could get a University of Oklahoma Mom shirt, yes, i’m that person, and Moonshine got out of training early so I told her to meet us at the bookstore. She moved in early because she had training for her job and she didn’t have a roommate yet so she was lonely. I had already told her on the phone that I wasn’t taking her anywhere because she needed to stay on campus and have dinner and make friends.
So Moonshine met us at the bookstore and I ran over to her and hugged her so tight and I jokingly whispered in her ear, Let’s just pack up and get out of here. I stepped back and she was bawling. The first thing to know about Moonshine is she’s not a cryer and she’s definitely not a cryer in public. I said, let’s go. And she said, you told me I couldn’t leave. And I said, that’s before I realized you were a mess. I told her she could come with us to get snowcones and hang out at grandma’s and then I’d bring her back for dinner. She said it was overwhelming and she didn’t think she’d miss me as much as she does. I don’t know how to help her.
When she went back to grandma’s and said good bye to our dog Molly, she was crying hysterically. I took her back to her dorm and she was crying, I went back later that night and she was crying and then I had to leave for the last time before I came back to Colorado, and we were both bawling. She’s had a tough time. I don’t know why I don’t hear more people sharing that their kids are having a hard time leaving for college. It can’t just be Moonshine. Although my sister told me about some friends she has and their kids had a hard time too, so maybe everyone just isn’t as open as our family. Sunshine said she cried for like three weeks and she was only an hour away. That broke my heart. Why does this have to be so hard?
And it’s hard to watch her having a hard time. Her roommate moved in and isn’t very friendly and has already gone home for the weekend. She was there one day. Moonshine thought she was going to move in and be best friends immediately and she found out her roommate is going home every weekend. That’s no college experience, in my opinion. But Moonshine’s met some nice people, I just need her to be okay sooner so it doesn’t break my heart every single day she’s not okay.
And my family needs a Moonshine cam ala the Truman Show so we can see what she’s doing. I do have a tracker on her phone so I could see she wasn’t still in her dorm room and I saw she was at the club fair, baby steps.
I almost live blogged Moonshine’s move to college last week similar to how I did the DMV the day before, but there was so much going on, I just couldn’t manage it. And at the end of the DMV post, I should have gone back to post that 2.5 hours later, they told me I didn’t have what I needed. Actually I had what I needed, but apparently Colorado rules are just slightly different from Texas rules and Colorado doesn’t budge. Even after 2.5 excruciating hours and a customer almost in tears (me).
See, Monday was stressful enough, we still had to pack the car and get Moonshine moved to college. But I also had to get Tenderheart and Lola packed to spend the week with my best friend, Heather holla! because it was Tenderheart’s first week of school and she couldn’t come with us. And Moonshine was MIA because she was saying good-bye to Beaux, even though they had broken up, and nothing was ready or organized. We had to get the suitcases in her trunk so we could put the bike on so we could get the rest of her car and my car packed. It was already a clustertruck, so I didn’t need the DMV crap. I left there after 2.5 hours without a car registration and told my sister situations like that are why I don’t conceal carry. That may have been dramatic, but it was all so ridiculous, a stamped name instead of printed and a signature instead of printed, just bullshit that makes people hate the DMV even more than they already do.
But everything worked out in the way of the move, I still have to deal with the DMV. We got her car packed, my car packed, she threw everything she owned into the last few boxes and away we went like the family from The Beverly Hillbillies. All we were missing was Granny on the back of the truck.
And then she was sick. She’d started getting sick the Thursday before and by Saturday she had terrible puss pockets on her tonsils so I said, it’s strep. I took her to Urgent Care because we were leaving Tuesday and I needed to get her on the antibiotics quickly. Of course the strep test came back negative and the antibiotics didn’t work and her tonsils got even more disgusting and it seems like it was a virus. So on move-in day, she was miserable. It was already going to be hard to leave her, but how could I leave her on death’s door? She had no voice, she was lethargic, she wasn’t doing anything in the way of helping unpack. I was starting to fear she had mono. Luckily, she didn’t.
Oklahoma had move-in figured out though. I pulled up my car, they put my boxes in other boxes on wheels and took everything up for us. When we moved Sunshine to her dorm, it was on the third floor, no elevator, and no air conditioning. It took us about five seconds to realize she needed a great big fan and I sweated buckets that day. It was miserable. Moonshine’s move was actually enjoyable. We waited in the nice air conditioned room for her boxes and then started unpacking. There were five us in there but only four working because she was not feeling good at all. I kept saying if she’d been feeling better she would have been so bossy about where all her stuff was going. She couldn’t have cared less and is still probably trying to find things. But the good thing is she’s feeling better. She’s crazy homesick and really sad, but at least her health is better. I left Saturday, but I didn’t know what I was going to do if I didn’t feel like she was getting better.
to be continued….
I’m sitting at the DMV, where I feel like I spend most of my life. Why can’t they get this figured out so it doesn’t take so long? I’m C217 and they’re on C194, but I keep hearing A something and B something and I have no idea what those are. Luckily I stopped at Sonic happy hour so I have something to drink and I have my cell phone so I’m never bored. The man next to me is texting in a different language. It’s freaking me out.
It’s my first day of a week vacation and I’ve already had four texts from my worker and three from my boss. Happy vacation to me!! It’s my first full week in four years, can’t you people do anything without me?
This lady is on her phone and she’s saying, it’s packed. We’re in it for the long haul. Same, lady, same.
Tenderheart is working freshman orientation at school as a link leader and she’s so far out of her comfort zone I thought she was going to have a panic attack this morning. Her first day of school is tomorrow and I’m not going to be there for it because we’re leaving early to move Moonshine to college. It’s the first time I’ve had to leave her like this and that’s really far out of my comfort zone.
We had a going away party this weekend for Moonshine and there were a lot of people. I love having big parties as long as everyone goes outside to play volleyball and they’re not hanging out in the house but it was hot and Moonshine is fighting a virus so she didn’t feel good. So there were eight people across my sectional watching the Olympics at one point and the rest in the dining room and kitchen.
We’re at C197 and the guy on the other side of me is watching a video with his wife, sound on full blast. Where am I?? I wish you were here to see this menagerie of people.
In the spirit of made up stats, 85% of these people have no idea what they need. Omg. Now he’s watching some kind of telemundo. Why?
I love the guy who yelled bingo when they called his number and proceeded to tell everyone he’s from New York. Oh wow, C199 ran right up. We’re cooking now. And it’s so interesting when I said, Hey, I’m going to the DMV, no one wanted to come with me. It’s weird. And why are the seats not more comfortable? I’m probably going to be sitting here for two hours.
If I ran the world, this would go much more smoothly. And someone would tell this New York guy he’s no comedian.
I’ve had a little blog break. It’s fine, I’m fine, but I still have a lot to say, I just really haven’t had a lot of time. My sister, who says she reads my blog with her coffee said she’s moved on to the “Pie Lady” so that’s another win for June. Not only does she have a cooler life, now she has my sister. Enjoy.
Last week was jam-packed with back to school activities. There was the dentist, hair cuts and colors, Moonshine breaking up with Beaux, and one last day at the swimming pool.
When I was a kid my mom would get us a season pass to Tempo Pool. I just said the name because it’s not even there anymore, but it used to be our neighborhood pool. It’s where the high school football coach, Coach Rose taught me how to swim and I think we were signed up for swimming lessons every summer because it was probably cheaper than a babysitter. We would go and take sandwiches and make a whole day of it. This is one of the reasons my face was super red and my hair was super blonde when I was younger. Anyone heard of sunscreen?
One day my sister and I were riding our 10-speed bikes to the pool and I was probably going to be in the 4th grade because that’s when my sister was deemed old enough to watch me. I was wearing flip flops and on the way, my foot slipped off my pedal and into the spokes of my front wheel. Think about that for a minute. It was terrifying. I thought I was going to die, the bike stopped because my foot was in the spoke and I must have gone over the top. I was screaming when I landed because my knees were bloody and my foot was stuck in the spokes of my wheel. The people who owned the lawn I crashed on came out and asked if I was okay, but no one could get my foot out of the spokes on my tire because my foot was swelling. Finally, the husband got wire cutters and cut the spokes to get my foot out. And we continued on to the pool.
Seriously, if my kids had done that today, specifically Tenderheart, one, she’d never ride her bike again, and two, she’d have gone to bed for a week until her knees had heeled. What I did was go to the pool take my lesson and then sit there with ice on my foot, which I must have gotten from the concession stand. This was life before cell phones. My mom had no idea, and I didn’t even think of going home and calling her and missing out on a day of lessons and the pool. I’m sure I just walked my bike home after we were done in my broken flip flop.
And going back to last week’s post, I’m 200% sure my dad had no idea that even happened to me. We only wrote letters, no calling, and I’m sure I didn’t write it to him, what a hassle. I wonder how he found out I broke my arm when I was five or wrecked my mom’s car when I was 17 or about my sister’s appendicitis. I don’t ever remember him coming to see us, only us flying to see him with my grandpa. It’s weird that all my memories have my mom and only very few until I was grown have my dad.
If this would have happened current day, I’d have texted everyone I know to make sure they knew I had been in an accident and I was fine, and everything’s good. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.
Moonshine broke up with Beaux last week. There was fighting and stress about leaving for college and it was too much. Then they talked about getting back together but she just couldn’t do it and when he called after work and said he wanted an answer on getting back together, she told him she couldn’t and he hung up on her. She came out of her room at 11 at night crying hysterically. She didn’t want to hurt him, she thought they could still be friends, but he was mad. I told her if she didn’t feel it in her heart and her head to be able to say, Yes, 100% yes, then she made the right decision. She’s been so torn.
And listen, I was Team Beaux. I really like the guy. However, I also liked Tenderheart’s boyfriend at first so I’ve been told I have terrible taste in boys. Here’s what I know, nothing. But she said, their relationship should be the least stressful thing in her life right now and it turned out it was the most. They’re so young, and navigating a long distance relationship is really hard. But when it comes down to it, I feel awful. I hate that she hurt someone, I hate that she hurts. High school/College relationships are really hard to watch and I know they’re hard to be in. She took a year and a half to date someone else after her boyfriend Allyn broke up with her two weeks after going to college. Maybe it’s better to do it before, I don’t know.
I told her it might not be over, he might still want to be friends, but she just cried while I held her. Who knows how it will turn out. A part of me wants her to go to college free and clear and not have to worry about a boyfriend to stay in contact with, one foot back here in Colorado. They wanted different things, he wanted to get married and have kids and she doesn’t know if that’s something she wants to do with her life. And she shouldn’t have to decide that right now, she has plenty of time. They’re so young, but his parents married young and had seven children, that’s what he wants, maybe not the seven children, but she doesn’t know what she wants right now and she has time to figure it out.
That doesn’t make her sadness any less. She still loves him. And he ended up coming over to get “one more hug” and that turned out disastrously, but I hope everyone can just keep moving forward. 90% of relationships is timing. And 76% of statistics are made up on the spot, but that timing thing might be pretty accurate.
And I made Moonshine come to one more therapy session before she leaves to get it all out and get tips on how to move forward and I just pray every day she’ll be okay. She’s so strong, so much stronger than I ever was and I like to think I had a little hand in that.