I Can Imagine. How About You?

We started going to church about four years ago.  I was looking for a church for my family and my cousin Cindi was so nice to go church shopping with us. After the first church of “blue-hairs” (Cindi’s words, not mine), I went with her to the church by her house and loved it.  It was a change for us, and Lindsey cried every week except the one week a month that Cindi worked in the kindergarten.  I knew we’d turned a corner when she cried because we didn’t go.

Shortly after, Cindi gave me a CD of Christian music and it had I Can Only Imagine.  I’m embarrassed to say I think it was my first time to hear it.  I explained to the girls what it’s about, and we had a great conversation about what we would do when we found ourselves in front of Jesus.  I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you why it’s such a great song.

One day we were on our way home from church and we were listening to I Can Only Imagine and I said I wanted that song played at my funeral.  (I know I’m not original)  So here’s the exchange that followed:

Me: I want this to be my funeral song.
long pause…….
Shelby: Can I sing it?
um……
Me: Won’t you be too sad to sing at my funeral?
short pause..
Shelby: No, I don’t think so.
Kasey: Can I play the drums?
Lindsey: Can I play piano?
long pause……
Me:  This is my funeral, not American Idol.  And now you guys have a band?

Then my dad died, and guess who had a video montage to I Can Only Imagine?  I don’t have to guess because I made it, and I heard that song probably a hundred times.  At first I had to turn it down and just watch the pictures go, but I’ll never forget sitting in an empty church with my sister as they played the full montage on the big screen.  It was a “dress rehearsal” because we’d heard a horror story about someone’s slide show that didn’t play the music. Afterwards people came up and said it was the best memorial service ever, which made me wonder what the other ones were like.  I’m sure if Sherri and I wanted to move to Arizona we could have gone into the funeral video-making business right there on the spot in Goodyear.  Thanks, but no thanks.

My dad lived in Colorado for over 20 years so on his birthday we had another memorial service for him in Colorado.  My girls were in Michigan with my mom when he passed, but they were able to go to the second service.  They each got up and said something, it was both the sweetest and most heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced.  Lindsey broke down halfway through and started crying.  Afterwards Shelby said she wasn’t singing at my funeral anymore.  Kasey said, “I’ll do it.”,  and Lindsey said, “Can I still play the piano?”.  I love those kids.

When we hear it on the radio, I’ve finally gotten to where I don’t start crying on the first three notes, but Shelby turns it every time and Lindsey goes to another room when they sing it at Sunday school.  We have the same problem with Chris Tomlin’s Amazing Grace.  Yeah, we had two musical montages because we’re ambitious like that.  We actually had three because we had a montage of pictures he took for when people came into the church and afterwards during the lunch.  Don’t be a hater.

Here are the videos. The name and dates have been removed to prevent the identity theft. Also, my advice for you when planning your funeral is to make your montage before you go. It’s so much easier on your family.

I Can Only Imagine

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

It’s completely overwhelming for me to think about it, but can you imagine what you would do?

Who Wants to Hear a Little Sanctus Real?

Have you ever just been driving along, feeling kind of down, and a song comes on the radio that really touches your heart?  I’m very eclectic when it comes to music in that I like a lot of different kinds, which is the definition of eclectic.  If you were to steal my iPod (I hope you don’t), you wouldn’t be able to tell my favorite music.  You might be thrown by how much Toby Keith I have on there, but it’s an Oklahoma thing.

I was on my way to school one day and a new song came on KLOVE and it made me stop in my tracks.  Not stop on the highway, but metaphorically stop in my tracks.  It’s by Sanctus Real and it doesn’t even come out until like March, but there it was on the radio just for me (and the millions of other people who listen).  Okay, so it may not have been just for me, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.  Just read the last two lines: When I don’t measure up to much in this life, Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ. This song is my anthem. This is the song that should play when I win my blogging award (Huh?). I really can’t build it up enough.

Here’s the video of them singing it live; and if you can’t watch it, the lyrics are listed underneath.  Or you can click here to hear the audio. It may not be what you needed to hear today, but it’s sure what I need to hear every day.  Seriously, you cannot NOT love this song, which is a double negative way of saying I hope you love it.  And not for nothing, but the lead singer is pretty cute too.

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘Cause

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

Be My Guest

I’m going to remind you of THIS post.  Because it’s crunch time and the play is this weekend and Shelby’s burnt out and just wants it to be over.  They’re doing Beauty and the Beast, and she’s a wolf and a plate and I think she might be freaking out a bit.  With late rehearsals every night and six shows starting on Thursday, she’s pretty tired.  And I’m tired too.  I’m tired for her.  Monday of this week she said she wasn’t going to try out for the spring play, and then last night she talked about how many great people she met and decided that she was going to try out.    If she makes it, here we go again. 

I’ll be back this weekend with pictures of my little plate and scary wolf.

Seriously, how cute is this?

Wicked

I love my mother.  My mother cries at everything.  Christmas Eve service, Amy Grant concerts, the Christmas concert at OCU, church services, days that end in Y, you get the picture.  It’s really one of her charms, and she has many.  Hopefully that gets me out of the dog house.  So I was sitting at Wicked, it’s the end of the first act, they’re singing Defying Gravity, and imagine my surprise.  All of the sudden Elphaba is given her cape and she elevates over the stage, the lighting is beautiful, her voice is amazing, and I start tearing up.  I’ve turned into my mother.

Wicked was amazing.  It really is the story of how we perceive what is good and what is evil.  Blonde, blue-eyed, bubbly means she’s got to be good.  Green, wears black, not bubbly means she’s got to be bad.  The truth about it was that Elephaba wasn’t really evil, and in turn, Galinda (with a Ga) wasn’t really all that good.  Sure she was cute and an awesome singer, but when it came time to stand up for what was right, she decided to go a different path.  Okay, so I know it’s deep for a musical and Lindsey just knows that Fieryo was cute (Yum!) and Dorothy was there at the end.

Side note:  It’s hard to get all dressed up and then sit still.  Even my pants were scratchy, so I can imagine how hard it was for her in her dress with her wool coat.  She might have been too young, but you couldn’t have told her that and I wouldn’t have wanted to leave her home.

All in all, I’m probably 10 years (or whenever they won their Tonys) too late, but it really was a wonderful musical.  We had such a great time.

my little ladies at the theater

Where is (are?) Casting Crowns when I need them?

I’m embarrassed to admit that I might be a fair-weather Christian.  Sort of like a fair-weather Sooner fan; but much, much worse.  I am a single mom of three girls and my budget is tight.  So tight it squeaks (or squeals, really) when something happens that it’s not ready for.  Like Verizon Wireless putting through two payments when they were only authorized for one.   Now my bank account is shot to hell and neither Verizon NOR my bank is in too big a hurry to help me out.  Both of them have to “investigate” before they can give it back, as if I actually authorized both payments; which I never would because now I’m in the hole with no light even shining in. 

I’ve been walking around with a feeling of dread the past few weeks.  Things had been really great….too great, I started thinking.  So then the dread started and the kitchen sink started leaking.  We thank God every night for the roof over our head and the food on our table.  In all reality (and thanks to the beef my mom brought me a few months ago), we’re not going to go hungry or anything like that, and I truly believe that God has been providing for us; but when something like this happens, I just feel like my whole world has fallen apart, and I hate having NO money.  It’s so easy to say, “I will praise you in the storm”, until the storm comes; and then I feel like a failure as I collapse-cry over a glitch in my bank account that feels like the end of the world, even though logically I know it’s not.

There are several things I don’t know.  For instance, I don’t know why the Kardashians are famous.  I don’t know one Lady Gaga song, although I did see Jimmy Fallon have Jude Law read the lyrics from something called Poker Face and it was hysterical to watch, but only because of Jude Law. What I do know is that God has and will continue to provide for us. And though my faith seems to waiver, I know that we will be taken care of.  I just wish I was a stronger example for my kids on how a Christian handles the storms.  On a smaller note, I also wish my Verizon contract was over as I now hate them.

Road Trip Lip Synch

I originally called this Road Trip Karaoke, but then realized there was no karaoke, it was all lip synching.  That name’s not as catchy, but it sure is fun. 

Check out My Roots and Wings

I love road trips.  I love just packing up the car and hitting the road.  The possibilities are endless.  I moved about 12 hours away from my hometown of Del City, Oklahoma, and our road trips have evolved over the years.  It was different going alone and then in 1995, I added a newborn. 

In December of 1995, I broke down in Goodland, Kansas.  My alternator went out.  A trucking couple stopped behind me to move me out of the way and saw that I had a baby.  Shelby was three months old.  They took me to the gas station while I waited for the tow truck.  The guy came to get me and take me to my car and the wife of the couple told me I could leave the baby there because it was freezing outside.  I left Shelby there (I KNOW!) and went with the tow truck driver to get my car.  I thought the shop was at the truck stop and that I would be coming right back there.  When the tow truck driver took me and my car and we passed the truck stop I started screaming that I had to go back and get my baby.  He yelled, “You left your baby at the truck stop!?”  Like I was the biggest idiot on the planet (I was).  Of course she was fine, they were possibly the nicest people I had ever met;  but I do realize that anything could have happened to her.

My girls learned early that road trips were going to be part of their lives since my mom still lives in the same house I grew up in.  We discussed what to say when I tell them that we have 500 miles to go:  “that’s not long at all!”, and that we never ask “are we there yet?”.    There are rules for sitting in the front seat:  no sleeping, no DS games, you have to entertain me, and you’re in charge of the music, but you also have to take requests.  

On our spring break trip back to Oklahoma yesterday I was thinking of the evolution of our road trip.  I started doing the drive in a 1981 Mustang that broke down at the top of Raton Pass in New Mexico.  Then I moved to an ‘88 Grand Prix, the one that had the alternator go out.  I added a newborn in 1995; then a newborn and toddler in 1998; then a newborn, toddler, and kindergartner in 2000.  There were three car seats across the back of my ‘98 Dodge Neon.  You know the car, you might think it doesn’t fit three car seats.  It does, but not comfortably.  Then in 2001, my dream came true, a brand spankin’ new ‘01 Chevy Venture mini-van with a built in car seat.  That made road trips not just more bearable, but pleasant even.  We’re now in an ‘08 Chevy Equinox, and while it’s not as big as my mini-van, someone can sit in the front seat so it fits us just fine.

Our music has even changed.  I started with cassette tapes, then we moved to CDs, and now we’re on to an iPod plugged into the stereo.  That has definitely saved some space and given us more variety.  We don’t actually have to listen to the whole CD anymore, we can skip around.  It’s instant gratification.  We briefly had a DVD player, but I’ve lost the cord and it’s not really a lot of fun for the driver.  Besides, can’t you be away from the TV for any amount of time?  Do people really have to be entertained that much that you can’t drive across town without a movie going?  Although I do have to admit that we plugged the video iPod in and listened to the movie “Twilight” at the start of our trip.  I’m not proud. 

The girls are so great on a road trip and I think it’s because they’ve done them for so long.  We’ve gone to Arizona, California, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Kansas, and Oklahoma.  I’d like to go more places, but we usually only go to visit family.  As much as I enjoy road tripping, I have informed my daughters that they can’t move more than four hours away from me; and if they do, expect me to move closer.  I just pray they all end up close enough to each other and in a pleasant climate.

Check back soon for our video of Road Trip Lip Synch, which we added when Shelby got a video camera.  We’ve really come a long way.