With Three Days Left to Spare…

Last year when I finished my Christmas shopping, it was a month early and I had no one to share it with.  This year I finished my Christmas shopping only three days before and I went with Heather.  I have a few things that I’m waiting for to arrive, but I don’t have to go to another store.

Every year I have a standing rule that I don’t go to the store on Christmas Eve.  It’s just my own preference because I feel like there are enough people there on Christmas Eve, they don’t need me there.  Mostly, I don’t have the patience for it.  And besides that, I’m usually just trying to get to church on time, I don’t have time to be waiting in a line for something I should have already gotten.

So, I’m done with my shopping and that includes stocking stuffers.  Also, including the groceries for the things I’m taking to Cindi’s on Christmas Eve.  I can’t wait!  I’m on it this year.

I was working with a list, but I’ll probably realize I’ve forgotten a million things.   For now, however, I’m working on the assumption that I’m done.  Now I just need to go sort and wrap.

Merry almost Christmas!

I Can Imagine. How About You?

We started going to church about four years ago.  I was looking for a church for my family and my cousin Cindi was so nice to go church shopping with us. After the first church of “blue-hairs” (Cindi’s words, not mine), I went with her to the church by her house and loved it.  It was a change for us, and Lindsey cried every week except the one week a month that Cindi worked in the kindergarten.  I knew we’d turned a corner when she cried because we didn’t go.

Shortly after, Cindi gave me a CD of Christian music and it had I Can Only Imagine.  I’m embarrassed to say I think it was my first time to hear it.  I explained to the girls what it’s about, and we had a great conversation about what we would do when we found ourselves in front of Jesus.  I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you why it’s such a great song.

One day we were on our way home from church and we were listening to I Can Only Imagine and I said I wanted that song played at my funeral.  (I know I’m not original)  So here’s the exchange that followed:

Me: I want this to be my funeral song.
long pause…….
Shelby: Can I sing it?
um……
Me: Won’t you be too sad to sing at my funeral?
short pause..
Shelby: No, I don’t think so.
Kasey: Can I play the drums?
Lindsey: Can I play piano?
long pause……
Me:  This is my funeral, not American Idol.  And now you guys have a band?

Then my dad died, and guess who had a video montage to I Can Only Imagine?  I don’t have to guess because I made it, and I heard that song probably a hundred times.  At first I had to turn it down and just watch the pictures go, but I’ll never forget sitting in an empty church with my sister as they played the full montage on the big screen.  It was a “dress rehearsal” because we’d heard a horror story about someone’s slide show that didn’t play the music. Afterwards people came up and said it was the best memorial service ever, which made me wonder what the other ones were like.  I’m sure if Sherri and I wanted to move to Arizona we could have gone into the funeral video-making business right there on the spot in Goodyear.  Thanks, but no thanks.

My dad lived in Colorado for over 20 years so on his birthday we had another memorial service for him in Colorado.  My girls were in Michigan with my mom when he passed, but they were able to go to the second service.  They each got up and said something, it was both the sweetest and most heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced.  Lindsey broke down halfway through and started crying.  Afterwards Shelby said she wasn’t singing at my funeral anymore.  Kasey said, “I’ll do it.”,  and Lindsey said, “Can I still play the piano?”.  I love those kids.

When we hear it on the radio, I’ve finally gotten to where I don’t start crying on the first three notes, but Shelby turns it every time and Lindsey goes to another room when they sing it at Sunday school.  We have the same problem with Chris Tomlin’s Amazing Grace.  Yeah, we had two musical montages because we’re ambitious like that.  We actually had three because we had a montage of pictures he took for when people came into the church and afterwards during the lunch.  Don’t be a hater.

Here are the videos. The name and dates have been removed to prevent the identity theft. Also, my advice for you when planning your funeral is to make your montage before you go. It’s so much easier on your family.

I Can Only Imagine

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

It’s completely overwhelming for me to think about it, but can you imagine what you would do?

When’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year Again?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer…..wait, my kids don’t jingle bell.  There’s absolutely no jingle belling at my house.  What does that even mean?

The teen years are brutal at our house, and I only have one of them so far.  Can you imagine what my house is going to be like when I have three teenagers?  You might want to stay away if the first one is any indication of what life is going to be like.

So we put up our tree two weeks ago, but hadn’t had time to decorate so we ended up doing it this weekend.  I had a gift card to Starbucks so I told them if there was absolutely no fighting bickering then I’d get them Starbucks afterward.  SUCCESS!!  And on to Starbucks we went.  I ordered an eggnog frappuccino, and it was seriously the best thing I’ve ever had there.  It was a special order and let’s just say I’m glad they don’t have eggnog drinks all year or I’d be in trouble.

the girls actually getting along

Then Sunday came and it was time to get our Christmas shopping done.  At least the part that has to be mailed this week.  Shelby isn’t a fan of shopping.  I’m actually not a fan of shopping.  I didn’t get the workaholic gene like my sister did, and I didn’t get the shopaholic gene like my dad had.  Shelby especially doesn’t like shopping if it’s not for her.  Then the problem is that she’s unbearable when she’s unhappy.  Annoyingly unbearable.   What made me mad is that part of the shopping was for her gift exchange at school, you’d think she’d be in a better mood. 

My problem in the past (read Friday night) is that I have really high expectations.  I have great ideas for my family.  For instance, Lindsey had a birthday party on Friday night at the Color me Mine in Southlands.  So I came home and got Kasey and Shelby to take them to Paradise Cafe for hot chocolate and cookies.  On they way there they started fighting.  It involved someone interrupting someone and Shelby completely shut down and refused to speak.  Then when we got there, she walked 6 feet behind us with her arms crossed.  Also, things obviously weren’t going my way because Paradise closed early that night so there was no hot cocoa or cookie.  This was no Norman Rockwell night for me. 

So today for shopping, my expectations were incredibly low.  I was prepared for a Shelby mood, and therefore, she didn’t completely ruin our day.  I know my family days are numbered and that terrifies me.  I want to keep them as long as I can because I know at some point, Shelby won’t just be snotty on family outings, she won’t want to go at all.  And that makes me so sad that the time is coming for that. 

I want to keep my family together, happy, and getting along for as long as possible.  So sue me.

Food Fight, Anyone?

It’s December 10th.  I know when you read this it will actually be December 11th, but 16 years ago on December 10th I got married.  Why oh why did I ever do that?  Oh, I remember it was to go on and have three great girls.  I was only 22, so young, too young in my opinion.  The day went by with no fanfare, which is right.  The anniversary to “celebrate”, if you will, is April 8th when my divorce was final.  There’s really no celebration on either front though, just another day.

My daughter started a food fight today.  A food fight.  A food fight?  Um…yeah.  Her teacher was handing out letters when I went to pick her up.  Had she won some sort of award?  But I could tell by the look on Kasey’s face that it was no award.  We have to rush on Thursdays so I told her to tell me in the car.  As I’m opening the letter, she asked if she could explain.  The first sentence I saw on the letter was “Kasey started a food fight at lunch today”, and I gasped so loud I think all the oxygen was sucked out of the car.  All I could think about was the food fights you see in movies where the food is just flying.  I started looking for mashed potatoes in her hair.

My first reaction was to laugh, but I caught myself and I didn’t.  Not that there was anything funny about her getting in trouble, but I just couldn’t help thinking how ridiculous it was that my daughter started a food fight.  So she explained that she was being silly and threw a raisin that landed on the boys’ table, and they threw something back, and then the girls threw something else, etc.  It went on a very short time and Kasey only threw the first thing, but she did in fact start it.

This was the first time she’s ever gotten in trouble like that where they had to notify me.  She was destroyed.  She was so upset, she was crying.  However, not only did the letter say she’d started the food fight, they said she was disrespectful to a staff member and she didn’t go where they told her to so they said she was hiding to avoid punishment.  Hiding?  Really?  Where’s she going to go?  That’s what I thought, but what I said was how disappointed I was in her and that she had better not ever get in trouble like that again.  She’s grounded, she had to write an apology letter to the principal, and she has to do extra homework every night.  Plus she has to work in the cafeteria during her recess until Christmas break.

Some days my house is actually boring.  Today was not one of those days.  Nothing like a good old-fashioned food fight to keep things interesting.  Anyone want to come over for dinner?

Shelby, Drink Your Juice

It’s a quote from Steel Magnolias.  No one, and I mean NO.ONE. should watch that movie nine months pregnant with no idea for a girls name.  She could have come out a Clarice or Annelle, but she didn’t.  She’s my Shelby.   There I was sitting on the bed, living with my in-laws *shudder*, tears streaming down my face……wait, that’s not the blog I was planning.

I promised myself I wasn’t going to have a complainy blog, but I sometimes let my emotions get the best of me.  This complainy blog is about the stupid monkey and his troop* that have no sense of family at all.  His parents (aka my kids’ grandparents) live 30 minutes away from us, but my parents, who live 12 hours away, see my kids more than his parents ever dreamed.  Why?  Do you think that a male’s parents are less likely to be closely involved with grandchildren than the female’s parents?  Is it because girls are generally closer to their moms that her parents are more involved, or does it just depend on the grandparents? 

Now, in all fairness to them, I have their third, fourth, and fifth granddaughters, they might just be done with his offspring.  But that makes me sad because everyone is missing out.  My girls have family out there that they could be close to if only his parents had some sort of interest in them.  The monkey has never been close to his family other than his mom and dad.  Never.  They never had family reunions, never got together for holidays, they were never close; which made it weird for me when he started dating his cousin, because it never occurred to me that he actually had a cousin.  Yeah, he does.

The only activity of the girls the monkey’s mom comes to is something that I’ve guilted her into.  When I make a big deal about how his parents live 30 minutes away and yet never see the girls, then she comes through.   But should I have to guilt her into coming to her granddaughter’s baptism (which she didn’t) or a piano recital or something? 

What’s weird is that it hasn’t always been that way.  She used to watch them every Friday when we were married and shortly after, but she just disappeared from their lives.  I find it so odd that they CAN see them anytime they want, I’ve been very clear about that, so they just choose not to.  It would be nice to have someone to count on for appointments and such, they’re their grandparents for Pete’s sake, but they’re absent, just a void in the girls’ lives.

So a great-grandpa died that Shelby met once when she was an infant.  Because he lived in another state?  No, no, because he lived downtown, which is about 30 minutes away.   And when the monkey found out his grandpa was sick, he dropped the girls off because he couldn’t deal with them and wanted to spend time with his family.   Yeah, I guess that didn’t include his kids.

Moral of the story is to enjoy the family you have, spend time with the family that lives close to you and go out and make some family…..because sometimes you really need family.

*A group of monkeys is called a troop.  Bet you didn’t know that.

Who Wants to Help with the Laundry?

Dear Three Faithful Readers, 

I need some real help.  Some real opinions.   Good or bad, bring it.

I do all the laundry.  I sort it, wash it, fold it, and put it into three baskets for each of my kids.  Their only responsibilities in the laundry process are to bring the dirty clothes down and put their baskets away.  With the exception of a few times when I ask them to cycle the laundry, I do all of it.  I’ve been noticing that no one has been taking down the basket or putting away their laundry.  It’s really the only two things they have to do in the entire process.  They have to bring the laundry to me, and put it away when I’m done, get it? 

I made a declaration (I make a ton of them, unfortunately) last week that if they didn’t start bringing their clothes down or putting their baskets away then they would have to start doing all their laundry.  They’re 14, 11, and 9.  I’m obviously not going to leave them with dirty clothes, but can you meet me halfway?  They’re supposed to bring it down on Saturdays and Wednesdays, take their basket of clean clothes when I’m done, bring me the empty one, and the process starts all over.  It’s not rocket science, people, it’s laundry.

I went down Sunday night and Kasey and Lindsey had full baskets of clean clothes that had been there since Thursday, there was a completely full dirty clothes basket upstairs, and I had enough.  Shelby had taken her basket up on Friday, but I announced to Kasey and Lindsey that they were now responsible for doing their laundry.  In all fairness, I’ve been threatening this for weeks, I have to stop threatening and follow through.  But the question I’m wondering is if it’s too harsh.  I know there are people out there that make their kids do all their own laundry, and I know they’ll need to know how to do it eventually, but I’m just at a point that I can’t do it all. 

What do you think?

Life Goes On

I saw Marley & Me this summer and asked the question if it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  In my original post I talked about Max and Spirit and how Spirit died shortly after we got him.  We had to put Max to sleep yesterday.  It’s the worst decision anyone should ever have to make.  But he was in pain, he had gotten mean, and he was a bully to our other dog, Angel. 

But life goes on.  It’s always fascinated me but life does go on.  Here’s our Angel in her new bed.

Angel in her new bed

You can tell she’s sad (when she’s not sleeping).  She’s mopey and she hasn’t realized the benefit of not having to fight for her food.  She stays mostly in the kitchen sniffing around.  She’s looking for Max.  I think we all are. 

I promise I’ll be fun Christy by next week.  Things HAVE to get better.  They really do!

Shelby Had to Write This One

We can’t talk about it yet, but no one can put it into words better than Shelby. She has such a good heart.

My Grandma and the Purple Passion Pit

It’s December, and still no bad decisions made in the Fall.  Except for the “bargain” camera I bought on Black Friday and took back after a serious case of buyers remorse (oh….and after using it at Red Rocks).  I didn’t need a camera, I just got caught up.

My sister came for Thanksgiving and we had such a great time.  I’ve been feeling really nostalgic lately, I’m sure it’s the time of the year.  I’ve been thinking about my grandma and missing her.  She was my mom’s mom and when my mom needed someone to take us places while she was at work, I remember it either being my grandma or my grandpa (my dad’s dad).  My mom was a single mom and needed help.  I’ve been incredibly blessed with a flexible job as I have no family here to schlep kids to appointments, but my mom had my grandma and grandpa for dentist appointments, etc.  I came out of the orthodontist office on more than one occasion and my grandpa would be asleep in the lobby.  How embarrassing for a 13-year-old, but how I would love to see that scene again.

When I was about 15 there was a new place in town called the Purple Palace.  It was supposed to be a place for kids to go and listen to heavy metal and dance or whatever.  It was completely purple and I think the only light was a black light.  For some unknown reason the only person that could pick me up was my grandma in her little blue Buick.  She used to call the place the Purple Passion Pit.  As in, “Christy, are you going to that Purple Passion Pit again?”  It didn’t last long as they ended up closing it down for underage drinking, but it wasn’t me.  I didn’t even try because I knew my grandma was picking me up.

I think it’s funny how people mellow with age. My grandma was not the same person as she was when she was raising my mom.  My mom is not the same grandma to my kids as she was raising me and my sister.  I’m not saying better or worse, just different.  All of the pressure of raising kids is off and you can just enjoy your grandkids.

During the holidays I’m sad that I don’t live by more of my family, but I sure do enjoy that I live by some.  And I’ve learned that sometimes it’s the family you make, right?  As I looked around my Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family, I sure did feel blessed.

P.S. I stopped and started this blog several times, so it’s all over the place.  It played better in my head last night.  Does that ever happen to you?

Elton Was Right, Sorry Really Does Seem To Be The Hardest Word

The monkey called me this morning like nothing had happened.  Like he hadn’t left our kids waiting outside the church for 40 minutes in the cold last night.  Just like it was an everyday phone call that he makes every day (June would be so proud).   And when I said something about it, he started yelling at me.  He really is unbelievable.  I told him I had every right to be mad at him and he kept yelling and spewing his lies and right before I hung up on his sorry arse, I said…………um, I can’t tell you what I said.  It wasn’t very Christian, let alone ladylike, but I can’t even explain to you how good it made me feel to say IT.  He called back immediately and I picked up and hung up because I didn’t want to talk to him, but also didn’t want him to feel like he got the last word in the form of leaving me a message.  I’m not proud. 

Then my cell started blowing up.  I have to tell you I’m thankful he didn’t come over here, afterall, he lives only one block away as you know.  So three foul texts, my continued ignoring, and he called back two hours later crying about how sorry he was.  Yes, you are sorry.  But really, why couldn’t he have started the first conversation like that?  Why all the yelling at me?  If he would have started the first conversation with, “I’m so sorry about last night, lie, lie, lie (I don’t really care why he was late), lie some more”, I would have been fine, but to start out by attacking me?  Don’t make me say IT again, monkey.

As to the question if they’re better off with him in their lives, I still can’t answer it, but it appears to everyone the answer is no.  Would it be better for them to move away from him and have them build him up into something really big and always wonder what would have happened if they knew him better?  Who knows.  I tell them all the time that they got only the best parts of him.  Shelby asked me which parts, and I said his hair.  My kids have great hair because of him. 

So I’m still on the journey I started and we’ll see where things go when I finish school.  However, if you would have asked me this morning, you would have had to find me looking for boxes because I was so out of here.  But here I stay, and on we go to another day.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to rhyme forever.