Take A Walk With Me Down Memory Lane

Exactly 19 years ago this weekend, or half my life, I moved to Colorado.  I wanted a new life, I wanted to run away from the life I was living at 19, I wanted to live with my dad.  Soon after I moved here, there was an awful storm with hail and tornadoes and I remember watching the news and not knowing exactly where I was on the map.    I remember people were stuck on the ferris wheel in the hail at an amusement park, but I didn’t know where it was compared to me.

The idea of living here and then actually living here were completely different, as you can imagine.  In reality, I only made it one month in my dad’s house until my past caught up with me and I moved into an apartment.  My dad didn’t speak to me for three months.  I’ve never understood “conditional” love, but I’ve certainly experienced enough of it in my family.  That apartment was the beginning of the end, as the monkey lived right across the hall and the rest is history. 

Do you think people can change their stars?  That’s what I’m after, what I’m trying to do.  I’m trying to change my stars.  I thought it would be enough just to move somewhere new, but it turns out it takes quite a bit more work, as it’s 19 years later and I’m still trying to do it.  I’m finally on the path, but it’s a winding, rocky path full of pitfalls. 

Even though the terrain is rough, I’m still walking it with my tennis shoes laced up.  Sometimes I’d like to take them off and sit for a while, but I still have my shoes on.