Life Goes On

I saw Marley & Me this summer and asked the question if it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  In my original post I talked about Max and Spirit and how Spirit died shortly after we got him.  We had to put Max to sleep yesterday.  It’s the worst decision anyone should ever have to make.  But he was in pain, he had gotten mean, and he was a bully to our other dog, Angel. 

But life goes on.  It’s always fascinated me but life does go on.  Here’s our Angel in her new bed.

Angel in her new bed

You can tell she’s sad (when she’s not sleeping).  She’s mopey and she hasn’t realized the benefit of not having to fight for her food.  She stays mostly in the kitchen sniffing around.  She’s looking for Max.  I think we all are. 

I promise I’ll be fun Christy by next week.  Things HAVE to get better.  They really do!

Shelby Had to Write This One

We can’t talk about it yet, but no one can put it into words better than Shelby. She has such a good heart.

(500) Days of Christy?

I saw (500) Days of Summer earlier this year and it was my favorite movie of the year (sorry, New Moon).  Side bar:  Out on DVD December 22nd if anyone needs a Christmas idea for me.  Anyway…..I loved it, but it was so sad.  I wanted to pick up Joseph Gordon-Levitt and put him in my pocket.  He’s so adorable and has some Heath Ledger tendencies and expressions.  A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E.  I wanted them to work out, but they said at the beginning it was not a love story.  Spoiler alert!  Ultimately it was the story of real life, but with a script. 

It started with a note from the writer that  all the characters and events were fictional.  “‘Especially you, Jenny Beckman…….B*tch”.  It was actually very funny.  Then it went through the days of the relationship between Summer and Tom, and you could see it move from the happy first few days to sadness as it finally came to an end.  It moved around in the relationship from the beginning (day 1) to the end (day 500, get it?) and all the days in between.  It was so good.

One of the things that Summer said after they broke up was that she’d found the thing with someone else what she was looking for with JGL Tom Hansen.  He thought he had it with her, but she couldn’t force it, it just wasn’t there.  And as much as I wanted a happily ever after for them, I think too many times it’s forced without looking at the actual facts.  I was too busy wanting a relationship to see that it wasn’t right, it wasn’t working.  I forced it.  I always knew it would work out like it did because you can’t make a relationship work on hope.

Kasey wants me to date again.  She asked me why I don’t put myself out there and start dating.  Oh, if it were only that easy.  I started dating the monkey at 19.  19!  Do you know how long ago that was?  Well, I’ll tell you.  It was 19 years ago.  Half my life ago was my last date.   That’s depressing.  I will date again.  I have to get through my social anxieties and find a filter that goes from my brain to my mouth, because I tend to let whatever I’m thinking come right out of my mouth. 

For instance, I met a guy at church that was really nice.  I didn’t realize at first he was dating someone else.  He was a little bit older, but I liked him.  So one day he told me that he and whatsherface got married and I said, “I’m so sorry”.  Huh?  Like someone had died.   He looked at me funny and said, “No, it’s really good”, and I said, “Of course it is, congratulations”.  We haven’t spoken since.  Really?  I’m so sorry?  Filter, please.

Who Wants to be Hard Core?

I wish I was hard core.  I’m kind of a lazy exerciser.  I mean I’ll do it, but it usually always involves Heather calling me and telling me we’re going for a walk and what time to meet her.  One of the things I didn’t like in my marriage is that I was always in charge.  Where we ate, when bills got paid, etc.  I used to dream about finding someone that would take care of me instead of me always being in charge.  So I found Heather, but she has a husband and kids to take care of, so she only sets up the walks.  I’m still looking for someone that will take care of everything else.

We went to Red Rocks when my sister was here. 

Me and the Girls at Red Rocks

I always forget about that place, but it’s relatively close and free.  You really can’t beat it.  People are always there working out, and then I found THIS (click on Routine) and decided I HAVE to do this one day.  It’s a workout program at Red Rocks and it’s Saturday and Sunday 9-12 and Wednesday evenings, again, it’s free.  It’s hard core.  I want to be hard core.  I want to run a half marathon in May.  I told my sister if she found out when the Detroit half marathon was then I’d fly out there and do it with her.  Wouldn’t you like to do something hard core?

I’m not there yet, but I’m trying.  That has to count for something.  More than anything, I wish I would have started this when I was younger and then wouldn’t have to work so hard now that I’m almost 40.  Ugh!  40?  Inconceivable, right?  I know!!

My Grandma and the Purple Passion Pit

It’s December, and still no bad decisions made in the Fall.  Except for the “bargain” camera I bought on Black Friday and took back after a serious case of buyers remorse (oh….and after using it at Red Rocks).  I didn’t need a camera, I just got caught up.

My sister came for Thanksgiving and we had such a great time.  I’ve been feeling really nostalgic lately, I’m sure it’s the time of the year.  I’ve been thinking about my grandma and missing her.  She was my mom’s mom and when my mom needed someone to take us places while she was at work, I remember it either being my grandma or my grandpa (my dad’s dad).  My mom was a single mom and needed help.  I’ve been incredibly blessed with a flexible job as I have no family here to schlep kids to appointments, but my mom had my grandma and grandpa for dentist appointments, etc.  I came out of the orthodontist office on more than one occasion and my grandpa would be asleep in the lobby.  How embarrassing for a 13-year-old, but how I would love to see that scene again.

When I was about 15 there was a new place in town called the Purple Palace.  It was supposed to be a place for kids to go and listen to heavy metal and dance or whatever.  It was completely purple and I think the only light was a black light.  For some unknown reason the only person that could pick me up was my grandma in her little blue Buick.  She used to call the place the Purple Passion Pit.  As in, “Christy, are you going to that Purple Passion Pit again?”  It didn’t last long as they ended up closing it down for underage drinking, but it wasn’t me.  I didn’t even try because I knew my grandma was picking me up.

I think it’s funny how people mellow with age. My grandma was not the same person as she was when she was raising my mom.  My mom is not the same grandma to my kids as she was raising me and my sister.  I’m not saying better or worse, just different.  All of the pressure of raising kids is off and you can just enjoy your grandkids.

During the holidays I’m sad that I don’t live by more of my family, but I sure do enjoy that I live by some.  And I’ve learned that sometimes it’s the family you make, right?  As I looked around my Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family, I sure did feel blessed.

P.S. I stopped and started this blog several times, so it’s all over the place.  It played better in my head last night.  Does that ever happen to you?

How Would Bob Harper Train Me?

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?  Like beyond your physical limits, or have you always lived within your comfort zone on the couch as I have?  I don’t like to be uncomfortable in any situation.  I did do a Sprint Tri, and that was WAY outside my comfort zone; but what I’m thinking of doing is so much farther out, I don’t even know if it’s possible.

It’s a half marathon.  It’s running/jogging/walking/crawling 13 miles.  I know that with my body type I need to constantly be training for something or I’ll stop moving and regain the weight I’ve lost this year.  It’s also a good way to keep losing the weight I need to, it’s a staggeringly high number that I wish was coming off faster. 

On The Biggest Loser they lose a ton of weight per week, but they work out 8 to 10 hours a day.  I have a job, three kids, school, etc.   I can’t work out 8 to 10 hours per day, I barely work in an hour a day, BARELY, and it’s certainly not every day.  I wish I had a job where I could work out all day, but I don’t.  I have a desk job in my basement.    Why can’t Bob just come live with me and make me work out every day?  I love me some Bob.

But since Bob has other commitments, I just have to do it myself.   Or actually with Heather.  She did the sprint tri with me and is very excited to start making me train for something new that doesn’t have anything to do with swimming.  I’d still like to do the sprint tri next year, but I think she’s out.  So we’re moving on up to the Colfax Half Marathon on May 17, 2010, the day after my baby turns 10.

Elton Was Right, Sorry Really Does Seem To Be The Hardest Word

The monkey called me this morning like nothing had happened.  Like he hadn’t left our kids waiting outside the church for 40 minutes in the cold last night.  Just like it was an everyday phone call that he makes every day (June would be so proud).   And when I said something about it, he started yelling at me.  He really is unbelievable.  I told him I had every right to be mad at him and he kept yelling and spewing his lies and right before I hung up on his sorry arse, I said…………um, I can’t tell you what I said.  It wasn’t very Christian, let alone ladylike, but I can’t even explain to you how good it made me feel to say IT.  He called back immediately and I picked up and hung up because I didn’t want to talk to him, but also didn’t want him to feel like he got the last word in the form of leaving me a message.  I’m not proud. 

Then my cell started blowing up.  I have to tell you I’m thankful he didn’t come over here, afterall, he lives only one block away as you know.  So three foul texts, my continued ignoring, and he called back two hours later crying about how sorry he was.  Yes, you are sorry.  But really, why couldn’t he have started the first conversation like that?  Why all the yelling at me?  If he would have started the first conversation with, “I’m so sorry about last night, lie, lie, lie (I don’t really care why he was late), lie some more”, I would have been fine, but to start out by attacking me?  Don’t make me say IT again, monkey.

As to the question if they’re better off with him in their lives, I still can’t answer it, but it appears to everyone the answer is no.  Would it be better for them to move away from him and have them build him up into something really big and always wonder what would have happened if they knew him better?  Who knows.  I tell them all the time that they got only the best parts of him.  Shelby asked me which parts, and I said his hair.  My kids have great hair because of him. 

So I’m still on the journey I started and we’ll see where things go when I finish school.  However, if you would have asked me this morning, you would have had to find me looking for boxes because I was so out of here.  But here I stay, and on we go to another day.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to rhyme forever.

Don’t Let Your Anger Do the Blogging

I’m an emotional person (thanks, mom), and if I was a drinker I would totally be a drunk dialer.  The real issue I’m having is not being an angry blogger.  It’s my version of drunk dialing because I’m mad more than I’m drunk, since I’m not a drinker as a rule.  But that’s a whole other blog.  

Because I’m such an emotional person:  Look, I’m angry blogging.

I got a call tonight from my middle daughter at 8:25 that her dad hadn’t picked her and her sister up from church.  Church is over at 8:15 and they usually come out at 8:20; but at 8:25, no monkey.  I’ve made him a schedule, I’ve printed him SEVERAL copies because he can’t seem to get anything straight and really he’s only responsible for three things a week when I’m at school, don’t hurt yourself. 

One of the things is taking Kasey and Lindsey to church on Wednesdays at 6:45 and picking them up at 8:15.  When I started school it was really important that I didn’t take them out of church because they like going so much, and I’ve said before that our lives are so much better since we’ve been involved.  She called and called (they only have his cell phone number) and she finally got ahold of him at 8:30.  He said he was almost there.  I kept her on the phone with me until he got there and several people from the church, on their way out, made sure they had a ride coming.  8:35, no monkey yet, but he’s on his way, right?

I know, and you know now, that since he moved ONE STREET OVER he’s at least 25 minutes away because I can’t make it in less than 25, maybe 20 if I’m running late for church.  8:40, still no monkey.  If he’s running late the maximum is 8:30, right?  Because running late is leaving at 8:00 when they get out at 8:15, but that still puts you there at 8:25.  Kasey said it sounded like he was running down the stairs when she talked to him at 8:30, so that’s not running late, that’s forgetting what time, right?

Lest you think I’m not fair, let me just say that I’ve forgotten them before.  Not forgotten THEM, but I’ve gotten the time mixed up.  In my head I was thinking 6:15 to 8:45 and I’ve gotten a call and had to run out the door apologizing profusely to my three beautiful daughters that I got the time mixed up in my head and I’m so sorry, for them to please forgive me.  Luckily they learn about that so they’ve been very forgiving. 

However, when the monkey picks them up after forgetting the time, he tells them he was running behind because he had to stop for gas.  This is at 8:55 when he finally showed up.  Kasey started calling him at 8:25, couldn’t get ahold of him until 8:30, and he picks her up at 8:55.  That’s the 25 minutes it takes to get to where your kids have been waiting in the cold, you tool.   They’re 11 and 9, they’re not idiots, and they told me they know he lied and wonder why he didn’t just tell the truth.  I wonder that myself.

When I reminded them of the time that I was late to get them because of the time mix up in my head, they said, “yeah, but at least you admitted it and said you were sorry, you didn’t lie”.    The part that really pissed me off is that he wouldn’t answer when I called or texted him either because he’s a giant coward.  And I  know we’re not supposed to hate, but he makes it really hard not to hate him.

I shouldn’t even publish this because I’m going to get the, do you really think it’s best to keep him in their lives when he keeps hurting them?, and the answer is, I have no idea.  Kasey and Lindsey would like me to find them a new ride to church, but that may have just been their anger talking.  This is my anger blogging.

Be My Guest

I’m going to remind you of THIS post.  Because it’s crunch time and the play is this weekend and Shelby’s burnt out and just wants it to be over.  They’re doing Beauty and the Beast, and she’s a wolf and a plate and I think she might be freaking out a bit.  With late rehearsals every night and six shows starting on Thursday, she’s pretty tired.  And I’m tired too.  I’m tired for her.  Monday of this week she said she wasn’t going to try out for the spring play, and then last night she talked about how many great people she met and decided that she was going to try out.    If she makes it, here we go again. 

I’ll be back this weekend with pictures of my little plate and scary wolf.

Seriously, how cute is this?

It’s Almost our YOF Trip!

Sometimes I find myself running my family as a unit instead of rasing three individuals.  It’s really hard to spend individual time with each of them on a daily basis.  I try really hard, but two days a week I take Kasey and Lindsey to school and then don’t see them until the following day.   It’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact of our life right now.

I’m full of ideas.  All kinds of them.  A couple of years ago I thought of this awesome idea that when the girls reach a certain age, I will take each of them on an individual trip of their choice because it’s rare that I have time to spend just uninterrupted time with each of them, and a trip like this is something they’re going to remember for the rest of their lives. 

It was called the Year of Thirteen trip and there were a few conditions.  They have to like me, their grades have to be good, and it has to be in the continental United States.  Because when I told them about it, they started yelling out places and I heard Paris.  Then I realized I had to reign it in.   Shelby’s first and she immediately wanted to go to New York, Kasey wanted San Diego, and Lindsey hadn’t decided yet. 

Then the economy fell and a bunch of shows closed, so it turned into a Year of Fourteen trip, but it’s still on.   Not only is it still on, but it’s March 2010.  It’s changed a little and my step-mom is meeting us there, but the idea is still the same.  All the attention’s going to be on Shelby.  She gets to decide what shows we see, what we do.  And it’s going to be so much fun.

Here’s the problem.  Shelby has had a really hard time adjusting to high school and she’s having some trouble with her grades.  I got her second quarter progress report the other night and her grades aren’t great.  When I got mad at her, she didn’t seem to appreciate all the love I was giving her in the form of encouraging (read yelling at) her to get her grades up.  So the day after that I reminded her of the conditions to go on her YOF trip were that she get good grades and that she still like me and I felt that we didn’t have either one of those on that day.  She agreed.  We’re a work in progress, but God willing, we’re four months away from spending a week in NYC!

Sherri and I went to New York in 1997 and I loved it so much, I can’t wait to go back!  She’d better start liking me again soon, and get her grades up!  She has until Winter Break or I’ll be looking for someone else to go with me to New York.  Any takers?